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The Marple Commentaries

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#1 Marple


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Posted 26 January 2004 - 11:34 PM

The Marple Commentaries - Part 1

The Marple Commentaries - Part 2
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Fear the puppets! They will eat your dinner and wifes!

#2 Marple


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Posted 08 February 2004 - 01:16 PM

[url=""]Miss Marple - The Musical![/url][/u]

Ah The Musical. This was a bit of a struggle but I still think it's pretty good. I remember I missed the start for some reason but then started posting and got totally carried away as will become apparent. To date this is the shortest mystery we've done, though I think given the difficulty involved in posting in rhyme and advancing the plot at the same time that is understandable.

[quote]A Musical Extravaganza! Being a Mostly True account of the Shocking and Horrific Murder of Arnold Scrope… HEAR! Miss Marple sing Soprano! SEE! Mr Big’s Apache squadron enter to Wagner (with Hey Kidz on Vocals)! PH33R! The shadowy and Masked Masked Writer! ONCE SEEN, NEVER FORGOTTEN![/quote]

There's the plot and we don't actually deviate from it that much. joranj's first post was like a programme. Great idea to start it off.

[quote]THE CAST[/quote]

First use of a cast list? Wonder what order the list is in...

[quote]Not in alphabetical order at all[/quote]

Ah ha!

[quote]The above is a list of the principle characters in the story. Those not listed may post, but may only use their own characters as a cameo. They may still advance the story, just with the characters that are on the cast list. Bear in mind that the owner of the character has carte blanche over what that character does, do don’t make them do anything stupid! Don’t worry- this is only a trail-run for cast lists, and if it proves successful, those excluded here will be given priority in later stories.[/quote]

Ah yes, it does indeed look like the first use of a cast list. Cast Lists were brought in as things had got confusing. You had about 3 or 4 villians posting in one mystery all claiming they were behind whatever was going on. Obviosuly we had to do something and the Cast Lists worked very well. However, later on they ended up usually as:


The Neutrals



Anyone else who wants to join in!

So they became pointless, especially when the number of people posting fell dramatically.

[quote]all posts must (a) rhyme and (B) contain musical direction. Oh, and ©: be funny.[/quote]

It was a lot to ask for and we did struggle. Still the end product is pretty good.

And now to the Musical itself!

[quote]Narrator: No one would have believed in the last years of the 20th century that human afairs could one day be ruled by automatic vegetables. No-one could have dreamed that one day we would live under the thumb of a despot with a vegetable, as microscopic germs live under the thumb of scientists who enslave them. Few men even considered the possibility of automatic vegetables, and yet, in labatories around the world, minds immesurably superior to ours, regarded vegetables with envious eyes, and slowly and surely they drew their plans against us...[/quote]

This was added after the fact by me, once I'd got carried away. Sorry to Josh if he doesn't like it. I just love the start to Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds and decided it could be adapted easily to the musical. Hope Josh wasn't too pissed off...

[quote='joranj']ARNOLD SCROPE: (sop.) Today has been a happy day,
CHORUS: Oh happy day! Oh joyous day!
AS: Today, yes, I am in this play,
A job secure for life!
My name is Arnold Scrope, you see,
Creator of the AutoPea,[/quote]

Here we go! Great opening number I felt, sets it up perfectly.

[quote]The AutoPea... has magic powers.
A simple word can move through hours
The magic word, that no-one knows,
It's only written on my toes
Beneath my shoes and socks, so fine
Made 1812, last washed in time
To see the heavy thick pollution
Of an Industrial Revolution.[/quote]

There we go, the Auto-pea allows the person to control time. It always reminded me of those warp whistles that you could get in Super Mario Brothers 3.

[quote]DARK VOICE: (bar.) Arthur Scrope, you little git,
This time you've really asked for it.
I think I'll take this AutoPea,
And take it back and forth with me!
Oh, Arthur Scrope! Your time has come!
You f33b!
AS: Now, hold on there, that didn't rhyme!
I know it cannot be my time!
Come? When did that rhyme with f33b?
You greasy spotty little dweeb!
Now come on out and show your face!
But first, you see my can of MACE![/quote]

Arf! I like the bit not rhyming. Also when putting the musical into the NWN mod the Mace bit fitted very well as Scrope would produce... a mace!

[quote]DV: You are the fool, you dumb inventor,
For it is he who was once your MENTOR![/quote]


[quote]AS: No! No! No! It cannot be!
The times I said that word was three!
Oh, cursed is my stupidity!
My killer is...[/quote]

Noooo! How will we found that out now?

[quote='Loweko']Lights up on the PCGCFcave

[Enter MISS MARPLE, Doyenne of Crime Fighters, followed by the PCGCF. MARPLE takes the spotlight]

The Song of Rightousness...
(To the tune of "The Monarch of the Sea", HMS Pinafore)

I'm not going to quote all the songs as they're very long but this too is excellent. Introduced everyone very nicely. I seem to remember I added verses to this for the mod.

[quote='Hey Kidz']At once we must go and fly
to iceland, not the most tropical climb.
For there is the home
of the frozen pea and deep sea phone.[/quote]

I'm still not sure if Kidz meant for us to go to the Supermarket or the country. If the former then we could have used "Marple's gone to Iceland!", but we went with the latter.

[quote name=''The Masked Writer'][A shadowy figure stands with his back to the audience' date=' a pair of rotting feet resting on a dirty wooden table in the dindgy dungeon. Slowly the figure turns, reavealing Masked's face, rid of his usual mask and instead replace with a bone white almost-full-face affair.']


The word is elusive, the word is what I seek.
The words is hidden in these feet, and boy do that reek.
Okay so I'm crap at rhyming,
And I have no sense of timing,
But I'm the villian of this piece,
So I don't give a flying [6 Month house lease - Kidzed].

[Lights fade to black as the villian never reveals to much early on, and I can't think of anything.][/quote]

Hehe, so this was the Dark Voice. And Masked without his Mask? Whatever next. I have no idea what Kidz editted but he could be rather conservative when he wanted to be. To be honest I don't remember him being a mod...

[quote='Timepie']On top of a mountain. Rocks & stuff around. Wind blowing

Enter TimePie from right

TimePie puts leg on rock and stands heroic stance, looking into the middle distance with hai whipping in wind

To the tune of Handel's Messiah(The hallelujah one, cretins]


Oratorio (Singing free of rhythm & tune, fools)[/quote]

Now Timepie joins in. This can only spell trouble.

[quote='Mr Big']Masked once again comes on stage, and gives a great rock opera performance.

I've been looking so long for you now you won't get away from my grasp.
You've been living so long in Brussles in hiding behind that false mask.
And you know and I know that you ain't got long now to last.
Your looks and your feelings are just the remains of your Custard pie from last Tuesday.

Terrified Sacrificicial Virgin:
You're standing in the wings, there you wait for the curtain to fall.
Knowing the terror and holding you have on us all.
Yeah, I know that you're gonna scratch me, maim me and maul.
You know I'm helpless from your mesmerising cat call.

Chorus of Hopping Mexicans:
Keep your distance, walk away, don't take his bait.
Don't you stray, don't fade away.
Watch your step, he's out to get you, come what may.
Don't you stray, from the narrow way.

Small frightened Bohemian:
I'm running and hiding in my dreams you're always there.
You're the Masked of the Opera, you're the devil, you're just out to scare.
You damaged my mind and my soul it just floats through the air.
Haunt me, you taunt me, you torture me back at your lair.[/quote]

Arf! How random.

[quote='joranj']Vassal comes on from stage left.

joranj, he is my master...
I stick to him like sticking plaster...
But now to him, bad news I bring,
It's just a shame I can't run faster...[/quote]

How often was Vassal actually used in the mysteries?

According to these old diaries
(which Arnold left behind in a moment of joy)
[PCGCF roll their eyes. What did she get up to in her old days?]

I really did shag all the NPCs. What a hussy.

[quote='Miss Marple']Marple: Lo, what an ungodly sound,
That seemed to eminate all around,
We are delving too deep, this is my fear,
And though I know the vault is near,
We are delving too deep, this is my fear,[/quote]

I ripped off Lord of the Rings here, with the dwarves in Moria delving too deep and awakening something. Only we didn't awake a Balrog, just Death. I don't think Mr Death had joined by this point actually.

[quote='The Masked Writer'][Masked and a group of four henchmen/gothic lab assistants on a brightly lit lab. To the tune of "My name is Tallulah" from Bugsy Malone.][/quote]

Arf! Brilliant.

[quote='Claws']drums roll

Big crescendo of music. Fountain at back of stage, and on it, in a pedestal, and oyster... which opens to reveal...

I once was a slave down in Atlantis base,
Smiling with half of my fay-e-ace,
But then joranj went bad and for a while I was sad
But now I guess I'm back to just enslave the human race![/quote]

Ranks alongside Lord Clive as the most randomly used NPC ever.

"Quick, we're stuck! Where do we go?"
"Oh I'll just post as Claws, that'll get things moving."

[quote='Mr Big']The PCG are in the deep, dark, vault...

They are walking along, when they here a deep bass rumble.

Hey Kidz had a sudden urge to get a leather jacket and ride a motorbike.

With a flash of smoke, Death appeared in the tunnel.

If you like to rumble, I tell you I'm your man
You kill some, bruise some, it's all the same to me.

The pleasure is to slay, it makes no difference what you say.

I don't even bleed, another name for me is the
Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades

Slaying for the high one, working with the devil
Going with the flow, it's all just work to me

Its my skull and bones, infinite eyes watchin' you

Double up or quit, double stake or split
The Ace of Spades
The Ace of Spades

You know I will be booed, and this job is for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby, I'm gonna be around forever.

And don't forget Loweko!

[he jumps around, air guitaring with his scythe]

Pushing up the daisies, I know you'll try and cheat me,
Read 'em and weep, you can't play life again.

You see it in my eyes, take one look and die

The last thing you see, you know it's gonna be:
The Ace of Spades
The Ace of Spades

He plays three last crashing chords on his scythe.

The PCG applaud and wolf whistle.

Then they run. Like hell. Which is a curious analergy really, because...

I really think Mr Big was probably best suited to the musical what with his general musical greatness. The song fits so well into the situation he doesn't even have to change the lyrics.

[quote='joranj']with a flash, and sparks, and a roaring flame effect, Mestopholes, Lord of the Pit, emerges from Hell

Hell yeah!
Ever since I was a young fiend, With pitchfork and a tail,
From cirle 5 to circle 3 I knew I couldn't fail,
To be the lord of Hell, I thought, should be an easy sail,
That guy there with the horns, yeah,

Demons. Interesting. Would return in Pope on a Rope and of course The Complete Tales of the Apocalypse.

[quote='joranj']MISS MARPLE:
I fear we're out classed,
with a demon on our arse,[/quote]

Marple would never say arse... okay she would.

[quote='Miss Marple']Kidz:
Lo! What is this that I see?
The Blueprints to the Auto-Pea
And also a tunneling device,
that will get us out in a trice,
we'll escape and go to a café
these handy gadgets are soo cliché![/quote]

I don't have to say much here, as I've already said what I was going to say in the last line :P

[quote='Miss Marple']Marple whacks Deaths goolies (I haven't used that word in ages.) [/quote]

And I haven't used it since.

[quote name=''Timepie']TimePie' date=' oratorio[/quote']

He liked his oratorioes that boy.

[quote='Timepie']Shut your ****ing face Uncle ****a![/quote]

Thank god for swear lock.

[quote='Timepie']TimePie gets Desert Eagle .50 out and shoots Claws point blank in the face, bizarely not killing him, and burning his own hand.(This sentence has been Bigged- Big Ed)

Quite right too! You can't kill Claws. Or Lord Clive, as Claws will tell you shortly.

[quote='Claws'][OOC: Claws and Dark Reincarnation are both running NPCs- no killing!][/quote]


[quote=Tournee du Chat Noir]Enter Tournee du Chat Noir

And since now thy bloodlust has been sated
For all the Allfather’s legions have abated,
And all the world filled with such broody woe,
This cat shall make a cameo,
Strut, centre stage, and
Smile, think on life

And sit a while,

For while your chorus fights in verse,
And in suitable wit and rhyme diverse
We meantime thirst more for the lyrical
This is, after all, a musical.

So while you revel and rhyme in glory,
Your troops shall fight like in West Side Story,
And in the dubious rapture of other such show-tunes,
Shall * click * their fingers real menacing to fight:

And on occasion scream: “Jets!”
Or “Sharks” or “Timepie” or so on and so forth.

For unfortunately this is the theatrical passion,
And because all battles are in this musical ration,
Your forces must now fight the same way.
For that’s how they do it in Broadway.

But I suppose if you must have blood and bits
You may as well abandon this,
And therefore adopt another philosophy,
That is, to allow any old butchery.
For theatre is like a plague,
And life is like a game,
And if these words do not appeal
Then wholesale slaughter is all the same
To me. The show must go on.[/quote]

Tournee's only post in the musical and easily my favourite. Absolutely superb.

[quote='Miss Marple']Cheap scenery effect of blue background with white clouds on, being spun around and around to give the feeling of movement. The PCGCF sitting in a porrly made Spoon!!-Mobile prop.

To the tune of Summer Holiday[/quote]

I'm quite proud of this one, though I think it made me get over confident. So yeah, blame Cliff Richard.

[quote='The Masked Writer']MASKED:
Why this pea is automatic
It's systematic
It's hydromatic
Why it's temporal lightning,

HENCHMEN: Temporal lightning[/quote]

Never seen Grease and never will, though I do know that this song has some questionable lyrics...



Rocky Horror!

[quote='Miss Marple']Marple: Lush, collines d'or de vert
Tiges de trickiling, et jonquilles
Tous laissés comme nous avançons!
Sur les royaumes de la France méridionale!

Est une faiblesse ce que nous devons trouver
Pour pouvoir sauvegarder la sorte d'homme,
Nous devons pouvoir le détruire!
La faiblesse est-elle dans le shit?
Le shit de d'où il est venu
comme pheonix de la flamme,
Une faiblesse que nous devons trouver
Pour sauvegarder toute la sorte d'homme
Une faiblesse que nous devons trouver
Pour sauvegarder toute la sorte d'homme


[quote='Miss Marple'][OOC: For those who need the English here it is:

Lush, golden green hills
Trickiling steams and daffodils
All left behind as we advance!
Upon the realms of Southern France!

A weakness is what we must find
To be able to save man kind,
We must be able to destroy it!
Is the weakness in the shit?
The shit from whence it came
as the pheonix from the flame,
A weakness we must find
To save all man kind
A weakness we must find
To save all man kind

Excuse me sir but I must know,
Is this the soil where the pea did grow?][/quote]

Well I for one needed the English. I wrote it in English and then used Babel Fish  :blush: Still it's not too bad.

[quote='joranj'][OOC: Quit showing off! Git...  :)  ][/quote]


[quote='Miss Marple']To the tune of The Sound of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel[/quote]

Here I explained the weakness in the pea but as it was all in rhyme it was very hard for anyone to tell what that weakness actually was. It was that two people couldn't use the pea at the same time.


Arthur Scrope, inventor of the fabled AutoPea, was murdered by his once mentor, The Masked Writer. The secret activation word, which was writen on his toes beneath his putrid socks, was ascertained by Perce, Masked's loyal servant crab. The PCGCF found out about the crime and engaged themselves finding the killed; likewise, TimePie caught wind and joined the hunt. In a far more troubling development, Claws, now faithful head preist to Cnnie, Godess of AOL, also raised his army in search of the Pea. The AOL legion and the Crust guard met in northern France, and though it seemed that TimePie's forces had won the day, Claws used his AOL powers to decimate his opposition.

Meanwhile, the PCGCF wandered Scrope's underground layer, searching for clues to the AutoPea's origins. They found that it was grown in northern France, and headed off there apace, shaking off Death and Mestopholese as they went. In northern France, they found the old man who grew the pea, who crucially forgot to actually tell them what the weakness was.

EDIT: The peas weakness is that it can only be weilded by one person. If two people try to weild it, it's destroyed. - Miss Marple

Masked used the Pea in a time machine; however, when he tried to use it, it turned out not to work. Suspecting loyal Perce, he boiled his unfortunate crab henchman, only returning to find that one of his lackeys was Claws in disguise, who had meanwhile made off with the AutoPea.

joranj is also knocking about somewhere.

In Act 2, the PCGCF...

Doris! It's about to start again!

Lights dim.[/quote]

This helped to keep us on track, but I have one question. Who's Doris?

[quote='Miss Marple']Expert-textpert-choking Scrope er-don't you think the joke is now on you
AOL Legion: Ho Ho Ha He Hi Ha Ha
See how I smile like n0mj in a sty, see how I control time!
I'mmm wielding!
The pea I pilfered, when Masked tried to reverse an hour
Elementry physics, say this aint possible, man you should see me kicking Alebert-o-Einstien-iieo[/quote]

I Am the Walrus isn't the easiest song to change the words too.

[quote name=''Miss Marple']Connie and Claws both touch the pea at the same time. There is a hugh bang' date=' a flash and time stands still for a second before returning to normal. Connie and Claws lay unconcious, but as they both wanted the same thing the pea isn't destroyed. Only when someone wanting to destroy the pea touches it at the same time as a person who wants to use the pea, will it be destroyed. As Claws and Connie are unconcious they are unable to stop Timepie walking in and taking the pea...[/quote']

Tut tut tut. They gave TP his oppertunity and he wasn't going to miss it was he?

[quote name=''Timepie']TimePie' date=' to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody[/quote']

Excellent again! Though I wonder if it would have been better if we'd just done original songs.

[quote name=''Miss Marple'][OOC: I really have gone over the top with this but never mind. I just love the whole musical thing. Ah well' date=' this song, and the music to go with it are crap but serves as the soppy love song present in all musicals']

PCGCF enter stage left. Scenery is of the PCGCF Cave. Whilst the rest rummage in cupboards preparing to find Claws (their last info is that Claws has the pea), Marple goes to her room at the right of the stage. Lights dim and spotlight appears on Marple who picks up a picture of joranj from her bed side table. A projector projects joranj's visage on to the wall. Marple clutches picture to her chest and begins to sing.[/quote]

Well at least I knew it was over the top at the time. The music was already written (it's such a simple tune, based on Blackbird by The Beatles) I just fitted a few words to it. It didn't take much effort.

[quote='Miss Marple][OOC: Well as I appear to have killed this I'm going to defibrillate it. Charging... Clear... Bzzzwhck Beep Beep Beep][/quote]

We'd begun to struggle.

[quote='Miss Marple']To the tune of Time by Pink Floyd[/quote]

I think this fits quite nicely.

[quote='The Masked Writer']Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase[/quote]

Works very well, though like all of Timepie's posts it was a bugger to work into the NWN mod.

[quote='The Masked Writer'][Masked:]
I see you’re right!
Now I’m off to fight!
And bring back to me,
The AutoPea!![/quote]

Masked is back in action. This is building to a finalee I can feel it.

[quote name=''Timepie']TimePie' date=' to the tune of 'Holiday in Cambodia' by the Dead Kennedys[/quote']

I have no idea how this song goes, so I can't really comment on it.

[quote='Loweko']The Dictator With the Ultimate Weapon!
[To the tune of: The Man With The Golden Gun][/quote]

Now this I loved. Probably my second favourite behind Tournee's post.

[quote='Miss Marple']Eventually the two sides sort themselves out into lines West Side Story style.[/quote]

Tournee gave me this idea, with his post about Jets and Sharks.

[quote='Miss Marple']I am none other than Charles De Gaulle
Serving this regime whilst others fall
Timepie picked me up in Southern France
Now I do my communarchy dance!

De Gaulle does some break-dancing[/quote]


[quote='Miss Marple']To the tune of Rappers Delight by The Sugar Hill Gang[/quote]

Erk!  0_0  I'd forgotten this. How I could be bothered to go through it all I don't know.

[quote name=''joranj']A brand new' date=' second AutoPea![/quote']

Erk! That sounds like a plot development to me!

[quote='The Masked Writer']Masked

Well sod them all,
while they are arguing betwixt themselves
I'll spring into flight,
and grab those peas for myselves (ahem).

[Masked jumps towards TimePie's pea, he spots him just in time and they both grab it together, Masked trying to back in time and make it his, TimePie trying to keep it in the present. There are some flashy lights, the pea goes bang and streamers fly out around the stage. There are lots of whiring special effects as they go back through all the adventures of the pea, undooing all the misschief and destroying that timeline.]

RNOLD SCROPE: (sop.) Today has been a happy day,
CHORUS: Oh happy day! Oh joyous day!
AS: Today, yes, I am in this play,
A job secure for life!
My name is Arnold Scrope, you see,
Creator of the AutoPea,[/quote]

And there we are. Back where we began, however this isn't the end...

[quote name=''joranj']Another AutoPea still exists' date=' and Masked is stuck in the past... A sequel looms, I fear.[/quote']

And it did briefly exist. However, as we'd had enough of 4M it didn't last long.

[quote='Miss Marple']The curtain goes down and the lights go out with the door to a s****y French toilet. The cloud get up to leave but a sound is heard on stage. The curtain goes back up to reveal...BLUEGRASS WAYS!!!!!! The crowd cheer.

Bluegrass Ways play The End by The Beatles

Quincy plays a great Drum-Solo, the only one of his career

Background singers: Love you, love me

Then Marple, Big and Loweko do an interwining, very complicated, very cool three way guitar solo for about a minute.

And in the end,
The love you take
Is equal to, the love you make



Miss Marple is a pretty nice girl but she doesn't have a lot to say
Miss Marple is a pretty nice girl but she changes from day to day
I wanna tell her that I love her a lot but I gotta get a belly full of wine,
Miss Marple's a pretty nice girl, some day I'm going to make her mine, oh yeah, some day I'm gonna make her mine.

Lights go out and curtain comes down[/quote]

Bluegrass Ways feature in two mysteries: this and Return to Castle Von Trapp. Did I ever make Marple mind. Oh yes, you bet!  <_<

[quote]THE END (REALLY THIS TIME!)[/quote]

Well there it is. Personally I'm ambivalent towards the musical, though I enjoy reading it from time to time.
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Fear the puppets! They will eat your dinner and wifes!