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Choose Your Own Adventure


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#51 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 06 February 2010 - 01:31 PM

Leap off the plane, dangle from the missile and try to use its thrust to escape this silly situation.

You decide, whilst clutching the missile in both hands that you have had enough this. You only came to the airport to learn how to fly a plane before returning home to your wife who was busy doing a ham even as you clung desperately onto the missile. You didn't want to get mixed up in all this business with beautiful women, shady pharmaceutical companies and surface to air missiles. Looking around quickly, you realise that you can see your house from here and decide that the best thing to do would be to ride the missile back home, to the safety and comfort of the four walls you can call your own.

You leap off the aeroplane and push the missile down, standing on it with your designer Italian shoes. With a "Yeehaw!" you begin to surf the air on the missile. Whilst its thrust is not enough to keep both you and it in the air, it does propel you along at quite a rate and you guide it towards your house in the distance. You glance back to see the plane following you, the pilot having levelled off. You wonder where she is going briefly but then realise you don't care - you're only interested in the embrace of Goldie Hawn. Unfortunately you soon see that that embrace could be some way off. Looking back to where you are going, you realise that you are flying into the storm that Tracy had warned you about. To make matters worse you are heading into it riding on what is essentially little more than a highly explosive lightening rod. To make matters worse, below you is a petrochemical works containing numerous noxious chemicals - the last thing you'd want to do is hit that with your missile, so gliding it down seems out of the question. And then, as if things couldn't get any worse, you see a gaggle of geese flying in formation straight towards you, with a fourteen year old girl in a microlite at their vertex. You hear her scream as she spots you on the missile flying straight towards her.

What do you do?

  • Fly up higher in the storm. It may mean your death, but at least the nine year old will survive and you'll avert a humanitarian and environmental disaster by not hitting the chemical works. - 2
  • Risk attempting to "land" the missile by pointing it down at the ground and the petrochemical works. - 1
  • Continue on your current course, even though you may hit the fourteen year old and the geese. - 5
  • Jump off the missile and let what will happen, happen. Que sera sera. - 3


#52 Janek

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Posted 06 February 2010 - 01:37 PM

If the storm's in front of you, and the gaggle is directly ahead, doesn't that mean the girl just flew straight through it with no problems? She'll be fine with a puny little missile. CONTINUE.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#53 Masked Dave

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Posted 06 February 2010 - 02:37 PM

Can't argue with that logic.
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#54 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 07 February 2010 - 01:21 PM

Continue on your current course, even though you may hit the fourteen year old and the geese.

It's always a hard decision to make: whether to crash a missile into the face of a fourteen year old girl riding a microlite and many men have flinched at making it. Not you though. Realising that that you can't crash into the petrochemical works and knowing that the showbiz world, Goldie Hawn and your not-really-daughter daughter Kate Hudson could not live without you, you decide that the only thing you can do is keep going and hope that the girl and the geese will swerve.

Sadly they don't. Leaping off the missile a second before it slams into the microlite, you're blinded by the flash of the explosion. Instinctively you grab the unconscious body of the fourteen year old girl as she is blown out of the microlite by the explosion. You shelter her from the flaming bodies of the geese which are now all on fire. You plummet through the air and consider turning around so the fourteen year old takes the brunt of the landing but before you can even begin to move your body slams through the fibreglass body of the plane that you previously had your face in. The beautiful woman looks back at you and shakes her head. It's the last thing you remember before lapsing into unconsciousness. This reverie is over, though you sense that there is more to this back story to come.

As you become unconscious in your memory you become aware once again of your surroundings. You are still strapped down and the room is still pitch black. For the first time however, you notice something in your pocket. It is possibly your mobile, or for the American that you are, cell phone.

What do you do?

  • Try to wrestle with the straps to free yourself. - 6
  • Scream at the top of your lungs to try and attract some help. - 2
  • Wait
  • Try to get your mobile phone out of your pocket. - 4


#55 Insert Name Here

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Posted 07 February 2010 - 01:51 PM

I think I voted just as you were updating, so can you switch my vote from option 3 to option 4?
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#56 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 07 February 2010 - 10:56 PM

Change it to get the mobile as opposed to wait? I'll do so when I add up the final tally.

#57 Insert Name Here

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 12:19 AM

Yes. I wanted to vote for the third option in the previous vote, but it had changed and I didn't notice til afterwards.
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#58 Masked Dave

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 08:48 AM

It's time for ACTION!
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#59 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 09 February 2010 - 07:56 PM

Try to wrestle with the straps to free yourself.

You feel stronger now than you did when you first came around in your dank, dark surroundings. You decide that you feel strong enough to try and break the restraints that are hold you down onto the metal table. You take a deep breath in and are thankful that like Popeye you always eat spinach for breakfast. Briefly the thought that you don't know how long exactly you've been unconscious for flitters through your head and you pause to wonder whether the strength enhancing spinach has long since been digested. However, it is only a brief thought and you quickly tense all your sculpted muscles and try to free yourself from the straps.

Unfortunately the straps prove to be too tough, even for your bulging physique. However, the same cannot be said of the screws holding the metal table to the floor. As you strain with all your might you first hear a creaking and then a snapping and suddenly, with an almighty effort of upper body strength you are up on your feet. Alas the table is still strapped firmly to your back limiting your movement somewhat. However, you are at least in an upright position.

The floor beneath your feet has the unmistakable cold, rubbery feeling of linoleum. You waft a wary foot around your immediate vicinity but it fails to connect with anything. The room is still pitch black, though your eyes are slowly becoming accustomed to the gloom and you can begin to make out some shapes along the walls. Your hearing too has grown used to the silence and so has no trouble hearing the sound of distant footsteps hurrying towards you. It would seem that in ripping the bed up you created quite a commotion and someone is coming to check on what the noise was.

What do you do?

  • Pretend nothing has happened. Attempt to lie back down in roughly the same spot. - 6
  • Try to find a light switch so you can see what you're doing.
  • Attempt to open the door and escape.
  • Try to take the mobile phone out of your pocket, as its many sophistocated and usually useless features may come in handy. - 4


#60 Janek

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Posted 09 February 2010 - 08:09 PM

Ah, the old "play docile then STABINTHENECK" technique.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#61 Masked Dave

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 09:05 AM

Surprise attack!

What good is your phone going to be anyway?

"Help! I'm trapped... somewhere... by... someone... um... I'll call you back."
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#62 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 09:29 PM

Pretend nothing has happened. Attempt to lie back down in roughly the same spot.

With the sound of footsteps drawing ever nearer you decide that discretion is the better part of valour, so you shuffle back to roughly where you think you were lying and attempt to put the table and yourself back down in the same spot. Naturally things are slightly complicated by the fact that it is pitch black so you can't be sure you're in the right place but looking at the small pinpoints of light coming through the door you think you're just about right. You close your eyes and wait for the footsteps to arrive.

Sure enough they do. You hear them pause outside your door and the hatch in the door slam open. Even though your eyes are closed you can tell the man is sweeping the room with a flash light. After a second or two you hear the lock turn and the door open. The footsteps enter the room and you feel his presence near you. He sweeps the flash light across your body and you chance to glance at him. As you take a peek he is just bending down to look at the screws that have been wrenched from the ground when you lifted the table up. Your heart is in your mouth - in your present position you can't do anything. There's no way you can injure him whilst he's standing to the side of you. You hold your breath and close your eyes again. Then you hear the sweetest words escape from his lips in an angry whisper.

"Bloody cleaners," he mutters. You sense him stand up and begin to leave the room. It looks like you've survived this one. That is until the alarm on your mobile phone goes off. The sound of "I Like Big Butts" blaring out causes the man to turn around. Damn it, you think, you knew you should have turned it off - how embarrassing for someone to hear your favourite song. You need to do something quickly to save face and save the rest of you too.

What do you do?

  • As the man approaches try to kick him in the groin. - 0
  • Suddenly leap up and head butt him like you butted that plane. - 3
  • Start screaming in an effort to both drown out your alarm and confuse your enemy. - 3
  • Leap up, spin round and attempt to impale him with the legs of the table. - 5


#63 Insert Name Here

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 09:35 PM

Hmm, 1,2 and 4 are all pretty tempting!
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#64 Janek

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 09:41 PM

Hey the song totally gave the answer - I like big butts.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#65 Scuzz

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 10:41 PM

If I can headbutt a plane fairly successfully imagine the damage it will do to a man.
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#66 Masked Dave

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 11:03 PM

IMPALE!
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#67 Janek

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 11:49 PM

It might do that, yes, although I can imagine that being a fairly unpleasant experience.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#68 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 12:11 PM

Leap up, spin round and attempt to impale him with the legs of the table.

Just as the man is approaching you, you suddenly leap up with a cry of "Have at you!". The man is naturally stunned at the person whom he thought to be unconscious jumping up and this gives you the time you need. You spin around and run backwards at him as hard as you can. You feel the jolt and one of the legs pushes him back and then the satisfying crunch and squish as you push him into the wall and the table leg pushes through his chest cavity and out the other side. As this happens the lights in the room also flicker on; it seems you pushed the fellow up against a light switch. How convenient.

Unfortunately, as you let out a sigh of relief and begin to make your way into the room for a closer investigation you realise that the table your strapped to has sudden become much heavier. Craning your neck around you see that the man you have killed is sadly skewered onto the table leg. This makes it much harder for you to move around. However, it doesn't affect the movement of your eyes and you take in your surroundings.

The room is small, each wall flanked with desks on which sits numerous pieces of scientific equipment including computers, test tubes and microscopes. The walls themselves are holding up several bits of scientific research which looks like gobbledegook to you and several x-rays. The floor and walls are both grime encrusted, like cleanliness is not so important at this scientific institute. Under several of the desks are boxes bearing the same logo as you saw in the plane, namely that of the Evil Pharmaceutical Company Inc..

It is about now that you first notice that in the crook of your left elbow lies an elastoplast. It has begun to itch as sadly you are allergic to elastoplast. Glancing back at the x-rays you see that in the top left corner is your name and date of birth. Looking at all of them together you realise that you have effectively had your whole body x-rayed. What is going on here? you wonder. Then you notice that the door to the room remains open and this is your chance to escape.

What do you do?

  • Search the room to try and find something to help free yourself from the table. - 5
  • Leave the room and try to find a way out of the facility.
  • Try to shake the corpse off the table, in order to increase your mobility. - 2
  • Attempt to access one of the computer terminals to try and find out more about your present situation. - 3


#69 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 16 February 2010 - 09:37 PM

Search the room to try and find something to help free yourself from the table.

Though your arms are tied quite tightly to the table you decide to use what little freedom you have to search through the clutter on the various desks scattered around the room. You sift through the scientific detritus that litters it and eventually you find a scalpel. You also find various tissue samples, each one labelled. Spleen; gallbladder; intestine; one worrying labelled with a question mark; they are all here and you are worried that they all come from yourself. The blood on the scalpel does nothing to assuage your fears.

As you begin to cut through your restraints a woman begins to scream and call out. Judging from the volume you guess she is either very loud or in the room next to yours. The sound of the screams encourages you to cut through the restraints even faster - that guard came fairly quickly when you made the slightest noise so there's bound to be someone coming to investigate the screams.

"Please help! Someone help! I'm trapped! Please!" cries the woman, her voice beautiful and sensual even in distress. You don't know for sure but you fancy it is the beautiful woman from the plane. The sound of her screams are momentarily drowned out by the sound of the table and the body that had been strapped to you falling to the floor. You flex your arms and legs in painful relief. You are now free. Well you're still imprisoned but slightly less so than before.

What do you do?

  • Go and try to shut up the woman before she gets you both killed. - 1
  • Rearrange the room, putting the table back in place with the dead guard where you used to be and wait for a moment to pounce! - 8
  • Attempt to access the computer. - 2
  • Get the hell out of here as fast as you can.


#70 Janek

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Posted 16 February 2010 - 09:56 PM

Hey, it worked before. Let's start a collection of guards!
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#71 Lu-Tze

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Posted 17 February 2010 - 09:04 AM

(Incidentally, I know i'm not saying much, but this is really amazing Dave, really really awesome)
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#72 Josh

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Posted 17 February 2010 - 09:05 AM

If we attempt to access the computer, there's a chance of a really awful montage of us tapping at keyboards to slammin' metal tunes.
George Alagiaaaaaaargh: I lost my pecker in the siege :(

#73 Masked Dave

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Posted 17 February 2010 - 09:05 AM

If stealth games have taught me anything, then having a 'body room' is very handy.
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#74 Scuzz

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Posted 17 February 2010 - 09:13 AM

View PostMasked Dave, on Feb 17 2010, 09:05 AM, said:

If stealth games have taught me anything, then having a 'body room' is very handy.

I have often wondered if I was the only one who did this, I have in the past gone well out of my way just to put a body with his friends in my makeshift tomb. The same thing has been known to happen in the Elder Scrolls games too.
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#75 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 21 February 2010 - 04:01 PM

Rearrange the room, putting the table back in place with the dead guard where you used to be and wait for a moment to pounce!

You have developed a lust for blood, such that you've never felt before. Seeing the dead body of one of your captors on the floor excites you to an extent that the rational part of your mind is disgusted. Yet, with your pulse racing, your breathing heavy and licking your lips in excitement you pick up the body and place it on the table you were previously imprisoned on. You strap him down just as you hear another voice above the ongoing screams of the woman.

"You okay down there Charlie? Need a hand?" cries the voice and it is immediately followed by footsteps. The door to your room is wide open and you know that the next guard will spot it in a matter of seconds once he gets down here. You insert yourself behind the door and wait. The woman continues to scream, her voice beautiful and alluring. The footsteps pause and you hear the voice again.

"Keep it down in there. Charlie where are you? Why aren't you shutting her... Charlie!?"

Judging by the guards startled cry you figure that he has probably noticed the open door and sure enough the footsteps start up again. You wait for what seems like minutes but is in fact only seconds. The guard enters the darkened room and notices the body on the table. He assumes it to be you until he walks over and flicks on the light switch. In a second he realises his mistake and rushes over to the body of Charlie. This is what you've been waiting for and leap out from your hiding place with a terrible cry.

"Have at you!" you scream, plunging the scalpel that you'd used to free yourself down into the man's eye. He dies instantly and crumples on the floor. You look at the two bodies and your excitement increases. You can barely contain yourself. Laughing to yourself you take the second dead man's arm (whom is lying on the floor) and place his hand on the bum of the man on the table. You giggle to yourself. However, your laughing is soon drowned out, both by the screams of the woman next door and the sound of a voice coming through the radio attached to the hip of the man you've just killed.

"Everything okay down there Brian? You and Charlie need a hand?"

What do you do?

  • Return to your position behind the door and wait for the next man to appear. - 2
  • Pick up the radio and say something threatening along the lines of "I'm coming to get you Barbara!" - 3
  • Go and shut the woman up by whatever means necessary. - 3
  • Search the corpses for something useful in what time you have left. - 3