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Day 4: Sir King Whole


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#1 The House

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Posted 17 April 2009 - 06:11 PM

Half an hour later, the vortex envisioned by the avatar of the flame God was assembled. Books and package crates had been used to enclose a space, the corpse of the dog had been retooled to serve as a gas compressor, and two forks had been slung together with a piece of string to fashion a crude mechanical pump. A spinning-wheel firework provided the trigger mechanism.

"This will never work," someone muttered from the back.

"Quiet!" cried the avatar of Inflammable Jim, before igniting his sword, setting fire to the fuse and retreating to a safe distance.

With a screech, the firework erupted into a spinning whirl of greens, red, blues and yellows! This powered the drive shaft which in turn spun the forks at high velocity, creating a gust effect. The corpse of the dead dog, which had been covered in yeast, started to ferment, causing it to absorb the gas surrounding it, creating a vacuum that the ground-hugging poison rushed to fill.

"It's working!" cried Beckett, gleefully - but that was before the floorboard beneath him started to buckle. The adventurers looked on with dismay as books started to slip off of the shelves, whirled around the room before disappearing, flapping, into the vortex at the heart of the dead dog. The table groaned and buckled, its feet straining to break free of the floor to which it was bolted; the cutlery and silverwear had no such reticence, and spun around the room in a maelstrom of well-buffed metallic death. A tureen of soup disappears into the vortex with nary a slurp. Who knows where it has ended up?

You notice that the vortex has caused the east door in the dining room to spring open, but the vortex lies between you and it. How to solve this prickly dilemma?

I am dropping the restriction that prevents the winner of one day's vote from posting the following day. This is because I trust the players not to hand one of their number ceaseless immunity when they could be turned at any time, and because at present, more proposals = better.
It was an evil house from the beginning - a house that was born bad.

#2 Hentzau

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 01:02 AM

So we are faced with a howling portal leading to the infinite netherworld of oblivion. I have faced many such an obstacle during my travels in the East, and an infallible way of dealing with them is thus: we simply throw the portliest of our number into the portal and allow their gargantuan bulk to temporarily plug the vortex. Much like the queen bee cannot exit her hive, here our companion will not be sucked into the great beyond simply because they are too plump to pass through the doorway between worlds. Now, you may think this somewhat heartless, but beforehand we shall tie a rope around their waist - if indeed enough can be found - and when we have made it into the next room we pull them free, none the worse for wear except for having been exposed to the screaming abyss for a few seconds. All they shall require is a quick change of underwear.

#3 Inflammable Jim

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 01:02 AM

Great Jim sends word that he is pleased with your acceptance, nay, embracement of His will. He will gather His thoughts and put forth what must be done tomorrow, for His glory.
You know...we lost the first battle of the Chesapeake because of a mysterious...treacherous...Ankylosaurus

#4 Jentastic!

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 09:10 AM

[OOC: Oh no! The books! Also, does the day still finish at 7pm this evening?]

I am most mistrustful of Beckett's scheme. Can we take his word for it that the gargantuan human guinea-pig will remain unharmed? Nay, sir, the answer to this vexing problem is quite clear. I too have come across a vortex or two in my day. The means to close each vortex will depend upon its characteristics and desires. This is clearly a vortex which hungers for the written word, but is unable to satisfy itself: for in reaching out to the books it craves, it inadvertently consumes them and thus can never acquire the stories for which it truly wishes.

I spy here a small volume which has escaped untimely destruction. By great luck it happens to be just the volume I would have desired; for I have used it to close a similar vortex in the Americas. It is a book of great adventure, cunning, and wisdom and can satisfy even the most voracious of readers and most lustful of vortices. I propose that to close this vortex, we give it what it wishes: we shall read to it.
Existentialism? Don't even get me Sartred.

#5 Kramer

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 10:02 AM

Don't wanna be rude 'n' all mam but readin' to it ain't gon' do nuthin'. And Beckett you's low down good fo' nuithin' heel, you wanna throw people down in that there devil's work? I'm a fixin' to teach ya a lesson, slap ya so hard, your clothes will be outta style! You's like a booger that you can't thump off! Don't yous be a-comin' near me ya hear? You done nuthin' but want to steal or hurt people.

Any hows, like I says, my old man work in old rope, chains, down in Georgia and Kentucky. He learned Jim Jones a few tricks in his time. Now here's what I want y'all to do: go and find any ol' bit o' rope or chains -- that ollllllld chandelier might give us some, gentlemen take off ya belts. Let me see that dawg-gone map, I gots me one of them plans see:

Posted Image

Now what's you do, you get a strong un to tie one hand to the door and the other to the next man who ties to the next man.

And then shimmy.

Shimmy.

Shimmy.

Shimmy all tha the way round.

Then when the last fella, another strong un, gets to that there door, he gotsta tie his spare hand to the door or somethin' firm.

Then shimmy.

Shimmy.

Shimmy.

Till we's all home and dry.

I'm probably the strongest un here bein' a wrestler an' all, so I'll be the base man. What y'all think?

#6 Masked Dave

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 10:22 AM

Well whatever happens we need to close this portal now don't we, can't go around leaving things like that just laying around. Luckily I brought my old service revolver, now if I shoot out the floor around the vortex, it should fall down into the basement and hopeful colapse in the process.
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#7 Inflammable Jim

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 12:52 PM

Voting Jim Jones for good use of word "shimmy"

My suggestion is very simple here. The vortex sucks in, we must push an equal force to avoid it while going around it. Our vortex-compressor, mounted for self-use can be pointed at the thing while we make a lazy semicircular path around it. Now, this is going to be problematic for one reason - we can't really get the thing back to any other people to do that once the first person is across. However I'm sure a vortex has a maximum capacity so the person who gets through can throw whatever is in that room into it until the whole thing collapses, either from exhaustion or because its mass is sufficient that it becomes a black hole. In the event of that I will probably leave this material plane while everything dies, but it probably won't happen.
You know...we lost the first battle of the Chesapeake because of a mysterious...treacherous...Ankylosaurus

#8 Jentastic!

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 02:48 PM

I certainly have no intention of doing any such vulgar thing as shimmying. Why, that is only what ladies and gentlemen of ill-repute get up to on a Saturday night. I cannot condone this course of action. Nor am I willing to risk the formation of a black hole, and cannot but feel that the reckless abandon of Inflammable Jim could easily lead to our own destruction. A foolish thing to do.

It seems as though my hand is forced. While still a risky plan, I do feel like a revolver may just be our best option - short of reading to the vortex - here. Do step up, Colonel Raddish/Masked.
Existentialism? Don't even get me Sartred.

#9 The House

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 04:36 PM

The House requires an extra day to devour your souls. Continue your inane blathering until 6pm GMT tomorrow at the latest, pitiful worms!
It was an evil house from the beginning - a house that was born bad.

#10 Clearasday

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 07:48 PM

Oh,
I have emerged from my prayers, and gained much insight into our problems.
...There is evil afoot here! I did not believe it myself at first, but alas, with no welcome from Reginald, and then all this despicable business with the dog-killing gas, and no servants to be seen, I believe something is not at all well in this ancient establishment! We must be on our guard.

Have faith however, the path we tread is a righteous one, and none shall tempt us into the darkness.
*throws Jim a look full of fear*

(OOC: annoyed at missing the deadline, and the lack of votes from anyone yesterday)
"Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head."

#11 Josh

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 05:10 AM

(You haven't missed the deadline, CAD - it's 6pm tonight.)
George Alagiaaaaaaargh: I lost my pecker in the siege :(

#12 Hentzau

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 11:30 AM

I'm also going to go for Colon Radish. Not because his solution is any good, you understand. It's rubbish. But his solutions are also simple enough that they are unlikely to contain any hidden meaning.

#13 Jentastic!

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 11:52 AM

I agree, but only for the time being: this does make him a potential target for a ghost to turn.
Existentialism? Don't even get me Sartred.

#14 Hentzau

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 12:55 PM

This should be a fairly obvious occurence however, since his solutions will suddenly become far more loquacious.

#15 Jentastic!

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 02:06 PM

Mmmm, perhaps, perhaps not. I remember how cunning people can be with a theme. Especially when it's a new theme; we probably won't be able to spot it in the first two days. So it's worth treading with caution. I don't think we can guarantee the humanity of any of our number.
Existentialism? Don't even get me Sartred.

#16 Clearasday

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 03:21 PM

Jim Jones / Kramer
After much insight, I have decided that the simplest solution is often the best way forward.

I highly distrust Lady Blanche Stanyon and Beckett, and believe that our dear Colonel's solution to be a little... disagreeable. Violence will get us nowhere. Nor will marring the floor of such an old house, I simply couldn't stand by and let it happen.

This way, if successful, we will end this charade simply by avoiding it, and can proceed onwards! I know that we will have to toil, but, as a member of the clergy, I am used to a little good, honest, work, and so I say prepare to.. hrmm 'shimmy' sir!
"Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head."

#17 Jentastic!

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 05:00 PM

I do believe that we are now at the point when we need to focus upon rooting out the ghosts amongst us. May I ask why you are suspicious of my illustrious personage? Oh yeah, and Beckett too. Although his personage is far less illustrious than mine.
Existentialism? Don't even get me Sartred.

#18 The House

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 05:00 PM

Cease voting, peasants!

Day 5 will commence in sixty of your human minutes!

It was an evil house from the beginning - a house that was born bad.

#19 Clearasday

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 05:46 PM

Frankly my dear, I'm suspicious of you both because I think you're hiding some questionable themes in the Lords eyes. The only question that remains is whether I should sacrifice the power granted to me by God to excorcise or not, and on which one of you sinners?
The colonel is the only one I consider half-way proper human currently, along with Jim Jones, but I'm against all this violent gun tosh, and so I follow the American.
"Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head."

#20 Jentastic!

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 05:48 PM

If you don't tell us what the themes are, then we can hardly refute it! I grant that I got excited by clockwork in the first two days, but I'm not sure how reading to a vortex has anything to do with a clockwork kitty.
Existentialism? Don't even get me Sartred.

#21 Kramer

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 05:55 PM

Beggin' your pardon lady, but I called Beckett out for his low down heelish ways about two or three times now and he never did reply, no siree. Acts like I ain't there, like I is a ghost or somethin' -- I ain't no ghost! The man Ellington, he preach the word of the lord, the lord say thou shalt not steal and thou shalt not kill. All the low down heel Beckett wanna do is take what ain't his, hurt people, kill people. That's some mighty fishy stuff right there an' you been supportin' 'im mam. I tells it like it is.

#22 Jentastic!

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Posted 19 April 2009 - 06:05 PM

Hardly. I've voted for him once. I voted for Masked before he did today, and that was because I genuinely didn't see a potential theme in his posts (at least, not yet). I'm only bringing him up now because we're both being accused, so while defending myself, he's naturally going to come up. I'm always wary of Henzoo, because he's so damn sneaky, but I have no concrete ideas of themes in anybody's posts at the moment.

I'm slightly wary of Clearasday, because of a light/darkness vague theme, but that could also easily be attributable to his character (light and darkness being something a preacher-type might naturally talk about) rather than a potential character-linked theme that he's hiding behind, so I'm not sure. I didn't want to vote for his solution today, though. I also didn't want to vote for you for using 'ropes and chains' twice; even though that would be clumsy, for you, if it were related to a theme, it's possible that you could be hiding in plain sight, so to speak. And I didn't think it 'safe' to vote for the same person twice in a row, just in case they are a ghost, which then ruled out Beckett/Henzoo, too. Jim's only just joined so I haven't examined much for themes, but I felt safest, today, voting for Dave.
Existentialism? Don't even get me Sartred.