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Anecdotes from the Mountainhome


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#1 Janek

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 05:38 PM

So I've recently got back into Dorf Fortress, and I'm trying to get to grips with its systems. These are some of my assorted (mis)adventures.

Am currently setting up my hospital, a useful component of which is a clean water source via a well. It... it didn't go so well?

Attached File  hospital flood.png   32.29K   0 downloads

I did close off the floodgates to the brook after filling the resevoir, but I guess the access channel kept draining (it's a few z-levels down from the source) until the well overflowed. Trying to fix it, dug a little outlet sump, when somebody decided to go fishing. In the sump.

Attached File  Presumed Dead.png   4.94K   0 downloads

...Yeah. I can actually see his body sitting at the bottom there, but he won't officially be reported as dead until another dwarf finds him. It's a nice mechanic, it means that, if there are no witnesses, murderers can actually get away with it rather than be automatically taken down by an omniscient Captain of the Guard.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#2 Janek

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 06:16 PM

OH NO

Attached File  Werecoyote.png   23.95K   1 downloads

Werecoyote. Yes.

It surprises a legendary woodcrafter, inflicting a nasty arm wound before taking a big bite from his head. The militia arrive soon after, but it's a tough bastard, and only goes down after a mace to the chest breaks a rib and sends shards of bone through the heart.

The poor woodcrafter is still alive, but probably not for long. Good practice for the doctors I guess. If only the hospital wasn't knee-deep in water...

Edit: He's alive!

Attached File  miracledoctors.png   40K   1 downloads

Even up and about, although he basically can't do anything because of nerve damage in his arms.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#3 Janek

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 06:58 PM

Oh. Turns out he was infected.

Got away with it, despite him turning in a packed meeting hall, as there were plenty of military having dinner. The only damage was a baby being punched in the spine :(
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#4 Janek

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 12:38 PM

Attached File  Tundra Titan.png   9.18K   0 downloads

Look out, it's George Osbourne.

This is a good chance to test out civilian alert burrows, i.e. "Stay inside, you morons." Industry's not really up and running properly, so unless a bone bolt lodges in Alino's brain we're kind of screwed - only got a collection of cast-off and cheap traded weapons to go between our brave military dwarves. Will try and avoid melee combat so they don't get fatally dribbled on.

For reference, I looked him up in legends mode. 74 kills since the start of time :(

Edit: Oh, what an anticlimax. Stationed marksdwarves at the entrance tunnel, while the titan goes after a departing trade caravan. Guards cut him down.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#5 Janek

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 01:43 PM

Brave military dwarves standing by for a goblin siege:

Attached File  Standing By.png   482.02K   1 downloads

(No it doesn't have proper graphics yet, that's the Stonesense visualiser)

The invading forces consist of 15 swordgoblins led by a macegoblin riding a crocodile.

Took down half the attackers and forced them to retreat, at the cost of around a dozen dead dwarves, plus assorted livestock who were grazing outside. Given my unpreparedness, I'll take it.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#6 Josh

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 02:53 PM

Aw god I'm going to download this tonight aren't I?
George Alagiaaaaaaargh: I lost my pecker in the siege :(

#7 Janek

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 02:55 PM

SORRY JOSH

Fair play to the hammerdwarf Monom Spiralbolted, though. Stunned and nose broken by a sword pommel to the face, her goblin opponent was able to cut her right hand off. Undeterred, she picked up the warhammer with her left hand, and was able to smash his face in.

Hardcore. Hope she survives. If she does, I'll retire her from the military and appoint her the fortress Hammerer.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#8 Janek

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 11:34 PM

Nothing quite as satisfying as the first two shots against a goblin ambush headshotting one, then catching another in the throat.

Attached File  PUNCHOUT.png   10.32K   0 downloads

And then the new commander of my melee squad PUNCHES HIS SKULL IN.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#9 Scuzz

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Posted 11 February 2014 - 11:27 AM

I've bounced off of this game a few times. If I was to make another effort at trying to get into it where would you suggest I start with the way the game is now?
"I've been disappointed with the boobs so far this season." - Masked Dave

#10 Janek

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Posted 11 February 2014 - 06:48 PM

In terms of what to download, there's a handy all-in-one pack here, which bundles the latest version with some bugfixes, graphics packs, and a front-end launcher, which is quite nice.

There's a fairly friendly quickstart guide on the wiki - it may look like a big wall of text (not helped by the ridiculous flowchart at the top), but it's neatly broken down into sections you can sort of tackle one at a time while playing along.

If you can get your head around the basic interface (and so long as you've embarked in a sensible location) building a vaguely functional camp isn't too bad - the bigger problems come down the line when you start getting baddies showing up and murdering everyone. Some of the newer management screens are kind of scary (hello military screen) but I've managed to pick them up with the help of the wiki.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#11 Janek

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Posted 12 February 2014 - 08:10 PM

Remember when my hospital got flooded?

Yeah, now there are trees growing in it. Sounds like an infection control issue to me.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#12 Janek

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Posted 12 February 2014 - 09:39 PM

Haaaang on. Re-acquainting myself with the civilisation screen, and there's something odd about our Queen and her consort...

Attached File  Queen Gob.png   11.49K   1 downloads

Having a look through legends mode, can't see how she became a part of the dwarf civ, but it looks like she somehow inherited the crown after Mafol Jewelbolted the Vampire King of the Dwarves was killed in battle during the conquest of the dark fortress of Wardfell.

Meanwhile, goblins are attacking again, this time it's two squads who are both mounted. On giant toads.

And a squad of trolls :(
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#13 Insert Name Here

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Posted 12 February 2014 - 10:29 PM

View PostJanek, on 12 February 2014 - 08:10 PM, said:

Remember when my hospital got flooded?

Yeah, now there are trees growing in it. Sounds like an infection control issue to me.

... and in the game?
the internet was discovered when an internet fell out of a tree and hit lord isaac internet on the head

#14 Janek

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Posted 12 February 2014 - 11:04 PM

That would be funnier had my a pipe not burst above my office a couple of weeks ago ¬_¬

Anyway, I was taking heavy losses against the goblin attack, about a dozen good military dwarves went down. Despite taking out all the trolls and a number of goblins, I was on the verge of being overrun. Militia commander and expert speardwarf Geshud Whiprushed led a final desperate sally which just about killed enough to make them flee. Geshud himself took out half a dozen goblins and one cave crocodile personally, without taking a scratch. Kind of a badass.

On the plus side, an entire elf trade caravan got massacred. FREE STUFF!
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#15 Janek

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Posted 15 February 2014 - 03:12 PM

Oh Jesus, Were-elephant. So doomed.

Just tore off an unfortunate fisherdwarf's arms with its bare hands.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#16 Janek

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Posted 15 February 2014 - 04:38 PM

Attached File  blud.png   5.38K   0 downloads

Oh good. This'll be a first run-out for the DWARVEN JUSTICE SQUAD, a rag-tag collection of lye makers, milkers and fish-cleaners who are as useless as they are disposable. Which is to say, a lot.

Attached File  detectives.png   32.22K   0 downloads

THE GAME'S AFOOT!
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#17 Janek

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Posted 15 February 2014 - 07:32 PM

A lye maker is found dead, but this time the legendary stoneworker Fath Tomesvales claims to have seen Momuz Doorclasped, a recently-immigrated engineer, fleeing the scene. Fath's character is beyond reproach, so Momuz is convicted for both murders and sentenced to 401 days in prison.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#18 Janek

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Posted 16 February 2014 - 08:36 PM

Was sort of hoping Momuz the vampire would be executed. Never mind, I have plans for him. Over a year ago, my miners broke into a vast underground cavern. Further exploration was discouraged by the abundant giant cave spider webs. I was going to send a full expedition of military dwarves, but it may serve my purposes better to encase Momuz in heavy armour, and send him down on his own to clear out as many as he can.

Still nearly 11 months on his sentence, though.

In other news, Geshud Whiprushed really likes his crappy copper spear - to the extent that he's named it. "Puceriver the Brutal Abysses" :jackadams:
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#19 Janek

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Posted 16 February 2014 - 09:46 PM

Embarrassing end for Roresa the minotaur, as my marksdwarves shoot out its legs, leaving a departing merchant's horse to stove in its brain with its hooves.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#20 Janek

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 07:08 PM

The Mountainhome sends a decree that we are now officially a barony. An amiable and ultimately useless dwarf is ascended to the nobility, while Tholtig Cavepage, who lost a leg to a goblin attack, becomes the fort's honorary champion.

Our elevation has drawn further attention, as Ngom Rabbleblack, lawgiver of the goblins, personally leads the next siege, accompanied by no less than 45 goblin soldiers, a dozen trolls, and assorted mounts. Even the fortress guard are pulled into active service to meet the threat.

Attached File  kisskiss.png   10.21K   0 downloads

Ugh.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#21 Janek

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 08:16 PM

Spearmaster Geshud Whiprushed once again leads by example, and the goblins are routed before Ngom's squad of bowmen even arrive. Two dwarves are lost, and several are wounded, but we get off remarkably lightly.

Geshud personally slew two trolls and a half dozen goblins in personal combat; looking at his physical attributes one does not wonder why:

Attached File  Superdwarf.png   65.85K   3 downloads

His most notable sequence in the battle involved getting his spear stuck in the face of a goblin axeman, then calmly turning around and punching another in the chest so hard that his ribs broke and went into his heart.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#22 Janek

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Posted 21 February 2014 - 10:48 PM

9th Haematite, 1057: Momuz Tundodok finished prison sentence for double murder.

Immediately instructed to suit up for Operation Cobweb, the exploration of the underground caverns.

No wait why is he going towards the bedrooms COME BACK NOOOO.

10th Haematite, 1057: All military units scrambled to habitation section.

It's too late to save a hapless fisherdwarf. Momuz optimistically tries to pin the blame on Zuglar Bellhandle, the fortress Bookkeeper and one of the founders. Far from the leniency of the first murders, he is sentenced to an incredible 50 hammerstrikes.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.

#23 Janek

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Posted 21 February 2014 - 11:11 PM

Momuz survives the Hammering. Maybe I shouldn't have given that job to a cripple (remember Monom the one-handed soldier? Yeah she survived)

The job might be done anyway, as several of the compound fractures to the extremeties have become infected. The surgeons are doing their best (it's their job), but it looks touch and go.

Attached File  Infection.png   17.68K   0 downloads

Indeed, he seems to be bleeding internally now. But he's up and about, so descends into the caverns, flanked by my two squads of regular military.
Ah! Harvard University! The special jail where people with too much math are imprisoned forever and forced to teach each other about poems.

Sandwiches are better than people. You can put anything you want in a sandwich, and it won't complain.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.