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All the Time in the World

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#1 Chronos



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Posted 15 June 2006 - 09:08 PM

The Complete Tales Proudly Presents...

A Tale of Two Histories

(We Have) All the Time in the World


John Cliché
Dale St John-Smithe

Time and location unknown

Cliché's eyes gradually cleared. A bright light, arising from where Cliché didn't know, forced him to close them again quickly. He lay on a cold, smooth floor. His body ached all over. He had no idea where he was or how he'd got here. With some effort he sat up and opened his eyes. Blinking the glare he soon made out the room and the body of Dale laying unconcious nearby.

The room consisted of white walls, the floor covered in black and white cheque tiles. As far as Cliché could make out there were no doors and certainly no windows. Looking up the ceiling was pure white, no sign of an entrance in it. There was, also, no sign of any light source.

Cliché dragged his body across the floor and slapped Dale on the cheek, bringing him too. Dale grimmaced at the bright light.

"Where are we?" he groaned
"No idea," replied Cliché, checking himself - his gun was still in its holster.
"What time is it?" Dale asked pushing him up slightly before collapsing back to the floor.

Cliché looked at his watch and gave a start. The numbers had disappeared, the hands pointed inward from the outside and the date simply read 00.

Suddenly, the room plunged into darkness. A slight of light came pouring through a wall as someone opened up a slot and peered in the room. As they went to close it, Cliché called out.

"Where are we?"

There was a brief pause. "Where you are supposed to be," came the reply
"What time is it?" asked Dale

From the outside there was a mirthless chuckle.

"Time? Time doesn't exist here. No, not here,"

With that the slit slammed shut, plunging the room into darkness, before the lights came back on blinding the pair as they lay on the floor.

#2 Innokenti


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Posted 15 June 2006 - 09:42 PM

"Bugger, we're here," the eight-ball complained and glowed an irritating green.

Eliza looked around, and couldn't help saying, "And here is..."

They were in a baren landscape. To descibe it as a desert would entail imagining some sort of night-life, perhaps a few sand-resistant shrubs, why, even a mountain - this place had none of that and didn't even hint at it. If it had tried to hint, it would have been rudely shushed.

"Well, it's the right time lady, I didn't much concentrate on space. It being damn hard to when getting here," the eight-ball said.

"Still you're with the 'here'. It looks like no place I know... when exactly are we?" she asked continuing to look around and spotting absolutely nothing in any direction. All there was was... ground. She thought she ought to feel despair, perhaps sickness, or be uncomfortable, missing home, yet she felt nothing. It really was just nothing.

"That's hard to say, in your terms, and don't expect me to draw you an effing picture, basically this is the when when John and Dale are and it's the only when when they are and I hate this stupid language."

Sagan clawed at the ground.

"You know, we're spending a lot of time in very very barren places away from anything. You're really doing this on purpose, aren't you?" Eliza asked. The eight-ball remained silent. "All I'm saying is that you could [i]try[/b] be nicer with location."

There was a silence. Eliza felt distinctly uncomfortable having realise she was actually spending quite some time with a disallusioned time-machine and... Dale's monkey. She supposed it was her monkey too. Or nobody's monkey. Sagan seemed to do well on his own. Suddenly the simian pricked up it's tail and ears and looked in one direction. Heaven knows which direction that was because there wasn't any sky or sun, just... light from somewhere.

Sagan looked back at Bauman and trotted off in the direction he had looked. After a few paced he looked back again and motioned with his paw.

"Nobody's ever said 'Never trust a monkey'!" Bauman shrugged and scooped up the eight-ball to follow.
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#3 Elihu


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Posted 16 June 2006 - 11:46 AM

“Prisoner number 1989, prisoner number 1924,”

A little white ball blinked into existence in the middle of the room. It looked like a snooker cue ball, but it had a single red eye. It hovered lazily in the air. Dale started. Cliché waved a finger at it.

“Where the hell are we?” he asked. “You can’t keep us here forever! We’re police officers!”

The red eye narrowed to a tight dot. It focused on Cliché.

“You are time criminals.” said the Cue Ball, unemotionally. “You are here to serve your sentence.”

“Are we under arrest?” asked Dale. “What for?! What are the charges?!”

“You will be under arrest.” said the Cue Ball calmly, “you will be charged when you are charged.”

“How can we defend ourselves if we don’t know what we’re charged with?” demanded Dale. The ball rotated in the air and stared at him.

“You do not defend yourself,” said the Cue Ball, “you plead guilty to all charges. You are guilty of mass temporal violations. You are time criminals. You will serve your sentence.”

“We’re not pleading guilty to anything!” cried Cliché, “you’ll never coerce us! We’ll exercise our right to remain silent! Dale! Don’t say anything!”

“You had the right to remain silent.” The Cue Ball’s red eye stared at them unblinkingly, “You choose not to exercise that right.”

“When were we read our rights?” demanded Cliché.

“You are read your rights at 11:25 am, March 26th, in the year of the Wyrm. 3686.”

“The year of the Wyrm? But that’s impossible! We’ve never been to the year of the Wyrm!”

“Irrelevant,” the Cue Ball chimed, “all that matters is that you are read your rights. Legal questions of when and where do not apply to temporal violations. You are read your rights. You choose not to exercise them. You plead guilty to the charges.”

“Why are we two to a cell?” asked Dale.

“Time prisoner population overcrowding. Many temporal violations. Time crises.” said the Cue Ball. “Prisoners are quarantined together. For example, the cast of Sliders take up a whole prison block.”

“How long is our sentence?” asked Dale. “How long… do we have to stay here for?”

“There is no question of time.”

“Months?” asked Cliché, “Years?”

“There is no question of time.”

#4 Innokenti


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Posted 16 June 2006 - 12:37 PM

They had covered two kilometres. That was Eliza's estimate, but the actual distance may have been far longer or far shorter, and she didn't care, nor did her body. In her mind she was ruminating the Time VANDAL, not that the eight-ball was particularly forthcoming with explanation. What she did know was that they were big and powerful and had taken John and Dale, which made her feel useless since she couldn't think of anything she could actually do.

Action was the word, determination was another, but the former didn't really fit a German doctor, a monkey and the disgusted time-machine. She fought against despair and it was the only thing she could really do, that, and make things up as she went along.

"Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit," the eight-ball said. Sagan stopped and turned around. It looked quizically at it. "Time's up my little furry friend, I think they might have a lock on us! Damn an' feck."


"Who d'ya think, the Time VANDALs, here we goo".

"Well, shift us in time!"

"I can't!"

"Shift us in space!"

"Right, thick-skull lady, let me spell it out - I C-A-N-N-O-Ttttttttttttt"

There was a disturbance in front of them, then flashing and a person walked calmly out of the rift, lifted up a badge and...

Eliza felt herself being wrung in a washing machine (the closest comparison she could come up with) and stretched out and ironed before being delicately folded and thrust in a cupboard. Then she was falling, presumable to the bottom of the cupboard, and then it was hard to breathe.

-----Some time, possibly space, and possibly something else, later-----

Eliza opened her eyes and quickly shut them again because of the bright light. On her second attempt she adjusted and tried to examine her surroundings. It took her only a few moments to realise that they were in the same barren landscape they had been travelling in before.

"If I open my eyes to another verdamnt grey place again I will go mad!" she exclaimed and became aware of the fact she was not alone. Not alone in that apart from Sagan (still wildly clinging to her leg) and the eight-ball, there was another person.

"I'm afraid you'll be going made then," the man said and stepped from a shadow which had no reason to be there. He was dressed casually but practically, though quite what period the clothes were from was unfathomable.

"And you are"

"I think I might be the only Vigilante that the VANDAL haven't caught... well, forever." He smiled and looked smug. Eliza wondered if her determination to face odds had, in an unfortunate sense, thrown her in with people who were going to use her, rather than help her.

"Please don't tell me you're part of some group with a ridiculous acronym bent on overthrow of the fascist and corrupt time-law-enforcers?"

The man didn't reply and carried on smiling, then nodded.

"Okay. Now, if you'll just relax I'll take you right back to 1989 and you won't remember a thing!"
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#5 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 02:54 PM

The cream coloured cue ball disappeared from view. Cliché got to his feet and started feeling around the walls, looking for a gap, indentation, any sign of a door or window. He started near where the slot had been opened in the wall, but the whole area was completely smooth. Whilst Cliché did this, Dale shuffled over to the corner and closed his eyes again. He was tired - very tired.

After a while Cliché joined him in the corner. He too was exhausted - emotionally and physically. For all he knew his wife was still lying dead on the street somewhere and that was a thought he couldn't shake. Both he and Dale though, were united with a single thought of their own impending death - should they ever get out their cell.

Suddenly, as if in response to this thought a section of the wall seemed to fade away before their very eyes and the room plunged into darkness. Yellow light shone through the opened door way.

"Advance," said a voice from no where, reverberating off the walls.
"To where?" asked Cliché, standing up slowly
"To be temporally cleansed. All anachronisms, anatopisms and anything else none compliant will be removed from your persons."
"But I thought time doesn't exist here?" said Cliché as he and Dale staggered into the adjacent room, where a yellow ball hung motionless in the air.
"It doesn't," said the voice.

#6 Innokenti


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Posted 25 June 2006 - 08:22 PM

"Now wait a sec... now WAIT," John begun but was cut off. There was a feeling and Dale felt it too, John wasn't particularly sure whether he was John or Dale at the moment. He certainly couldn't see anything, not that he was sure he that he couldn't.

Beside him Dale, it was probably Dale, almost certainly, maybe, was feeling through his life, except that it was not his life, or rather, nothing that he had previously remembered - about time-machines, seeing David Hasselhoff, a burning house in London... being inside a burning orphanage... Then he stopped remembering just as he had begun to understand, to understand something of what he wanted.

Then it all stopped. Not that Dale or John were particularly sure anything had begun because, as it seemed then, nothing had happened.

The yellow ball hove into view.

"That wass... unexpected. You are guilty beyond doubt of temporal disturbance and have over 50 major displacement events tied to you. However, nothing was cleared from you because there was nothing to clear. That, is a discrepancy, that, is wrong," said the nowhere-voice.

"Mean anything to you Dale?" Cliche asked to make sure.

"No... um, no John, not this-" Dale began.

"Okay. Look here! We haven't done anything and dammit you're detaining us against our will. Hear this now - we are getting out and you are not stopping us. Right Dale?"

Dale hesitated.

"Right Dale?"

"Sure, except that-" Dale began again.

"Good, sure," said John and walked past the ball, started off at a run and pounded into the wall. There was groan and creak but nothing moved much. John felt around the wall, got his fingers into a crack and...

John was standing next to Dale looking at the ball floating in the air. Somehow an expression was conveyed through... nothing that... someone was displeased.

"You will return to your cell," the voice said. They did.
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#7 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 28 June 2006 - 09:48 AM

However, they hadn't been in their cell for long when the room was plunged into darkness again. Another door opened up, in a different position. A deep blue light flooded into the room. Dale and Cliché stood looking through the doorway, trying to make out what was inside.

"Please step through the door for your pre-trial hearing," said the ethereal voice that directed them everywhere.

Dale and Cliché did so. They entered a circular room, at the centre of which hung a blue ball, its white spot facing them, white light shining from it. Just in front of the ball stood a glass pulpit, the blue light defracting through it.

"Dale St. John-Smithe - please take the stand," said the voice, which now eminated from the blue ball. Dale walked forward slowly and stood at the glass pulpit. The ball swivelled around and shined its white light onto Dale's retina. In Dale's mind thousands of books appeared, laid out before him over the top of the glass pulpit. "Place your right hand on the holy book of your choice," said the voice.

Dale had never followed any religion but instinctively he reached out and placed his hand on the Bible.

"Do you swear that your subsequent words are the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" said the voice quickly.
"Yes," reply Dale.

As soon as he had said this, the books disappeared. The ball spread the focus of its white light until it illuminated the whole of Dale.

"Dale St John-Smithe - you are charged with the temporal crime of the murder of Albert Frint 300 years before he was born. How do you plead?"

Dale span round and looked at Cliché, unsure what to do. Cliché looked at him as if telling him not be stupid.

"Not guilty," replied Dale.
"Very well. You will move to Holding Area 3 where you will await trial," said the voice, as the ball swivelled away from Dale and focused on Cliché. "John Cliché - please take the stand."

Cliché did so and the same thing as happened with Dale happened to John. He put his hand on a drinks menu and swore. The light moved off his retina and the books disappeared.

"John Cliché - you are charged with the temporal crime of the murder of Emmanuel Frint 500 years before he was born and the murders of Susan Cliché and John Cliché. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty," replied Cliché
"Very well. You will move to Holding Area 3 where you will await trial,"
"What about my rights?" asked Cliché, gripping the glass pulpit "I've the right to a lawyer! A right to a..."
"You have no rights at this time," replied the voice interupting him.
"And what time is this?"
"There is no time."

A door opened, opposite the door they had come in through. Red light shone into the room as the blue ball disappeared, the blue light with it.

#8 Innokenti


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Posted 29 June 2006 - 08:51 PM

Eliza sprung back as the man went to reach her and pulled a dart from his pocket.

"Wait! I don't want to go back!" she shouted and the two began circling. "I'm going to go to save two idiots from the mess they'll get themselves into and nobody is going to stop me."

The Vigilante just lifted and eyebrow and paused a second. "Well, I don't think that is really up to you. I'm afraid that your friends, and I'd hazard a guess that you are reffering to 1989 and 1924, are rather messy and I haven't quite worked out how I would go about sending them back all correct. You are hardly in any position to help them, or of any qualification and..."

"You're a Vigilante, you're in no position to be of any authority," Eliza was thinking quickly on her feet. Just as well since she WAS on her feet.

"That uh... yes, but I've been a Vigilante for a long time and... um, I've had time and experience, sorting problems out," the Vigilante replied making a small move right and then darting towards Eliza with the dart, she deftly danced out of the way and struck him on the rump which very very briefly excited her, him and Sagan. The eight-ball remained unfeeling and probably sighed, or swore. "Oi!" he cried.

"So why can't I, going to help my friends out and righting temporal wrong in a more... human manner, not gain the experience I need to be dealing with it all. Learn it on the job, as you would say," she said as she backed away and was surprised to find a large stone to stumble over.


"Perhaps I could even learn the trade from one of the best in the field?" she asked nodding at him.

"I'd be reneging on my principles?" he wondered, a litte more generally than someone commited to their principles would have done.

Dr. Bauman just looked at him from behind the rock expectantly, waiting for him to figure it all out. After a while he pocketed the dart, accidentally pricked his prick and vanished. There was a second's pause as Eliza stared with her mouth open. Then she heard a whisper by her ear. "Mister Ralph Delaney, at your service", the Vigilante grinned and proferred his hand. To be on the safe side Eliza jumped back and just waved.
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#9 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 01 July 2006 - 10:16 PM

The Vigilante withdrew his hand and shrugged. He didn't mind, contact was bound to end in pain when you transcended time. Eliza, Sagan on her shoulder, walked up closer to him.

"So what do we do?" she asked calmly, a steely determination in her eyes.
"The Time V.A.N.D.A.L.S have your friends?" replied The Vigilante trying to get his facts straight.
"Yes," replied Eliza, stroking Sagan. She thought for a second and realised that they were her friends. For years, she'd pursued her career, pursued her love her science and never given a thought to others. However, now she realised that she didn't want to think about anything else. After all, John and Dale had saved her life - maybe now was her chance to return the favour.
"Well, there's no way we can get to them ourselves," said the Vigilante
"Not even with..." began Eliza
"No," replied The Vigilante, though the 8-Ball's murky waters had begun to swirl.
"Then how can we help them?"

The Vigilante looked at her and decided the truth was the best answer.

"I don't think you can. The V.A.N.D.A.L.S exist outside of time and space. In theory if we were to go to where they were based, which is theoretically impossible, then there's no way of knowing if your friends are there, have been there or will be there."
"Let me finish," said the Vigilante patiently "The only way we can find out is to go there ourselves and to do that, we need to commit a crime."
"What sort of crime?" asked Eliza
"We just need to mess up the time stream a bit - make something exist somewhere it shouldn't, something happen that shouldn't. In theory, I guess if it's something that involves your friends then you might end up in the same place as them. Can you think of anything that happened that hasn't been explained yet?"

Eliza thought - there were so many things. However, in her hand the 8-Ball simply flashed up a swastika and on her shoulder Sagan spread his arms out like wings and made the sound of an aeroplane.

#10 Josh


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Posted 06 July 2006 - 10:09 AM

"This is holding area three," said the blue ball, which had a whiny, irritating voice, as a relaxing cyan light washed over them. Dale blinked a few times, then sneezed. "You will be held here until your trial. Please make yourself comfortable in the intervening time."

"I thought there was no time here," muttered John.

"But if time can be interpreted as the causal progression of events in a linear fashion, then time can exist seperate of the functional nature of temporal history, which is the measurement of progression between two fixed events in the continuum."

John took out his list of names and sarcastically wrote "Albert Einstein" on it.

"Maybe you would like to take this opportunity to discuss the validity of Camus' theories in The Rebel?"

"John" whispered Dale, "It's entirely possibly that this blue ball is a dork."

There was a clang, and abruptly, the lights turned purple.

"That didn't take long," commented John.

"No, John, it seems you were right after all," said the blue ball as it softly faded. "In this place... there really is no time."
George Alagiaaaaaaargh: I lost my pecker in the siege :(

#11 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 09 July 2006 - 08:27 AM

"Okay," said The Vigilante scratching his head "So you're telling me that you want to go to Nazi Germany, somehow break into a military airbase, steal a German bomber, then fly it back through time and bomb London in 1666?"

Eliza thought for a moment - did she really want to bomb London. It might be supposed by some wags that this feeling is ingrained in all Germans. However, Eliza for one wasn't sure. She looked at Sagan who had taken a small picture of Dale out of his hat and was looking at it whistfully. That made her mind up.

"Yes, I do. Will that be a problem?" she asked, standing firm with a hand on her hip.
"Can you fly a plane?"
"Can the monkey?" asked the Vigilante pointing at Sagan who promptly started running around with his arms spread out like wings.
"No... can't you?" asked Bauman with surprise
"Well I don't know I've never tried," replied the Vigilante
"Neither have I" said Bauman
"Well, it's going to be fun finding out, isn't it!"

#12 Innokenti


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Posted 09 July 2006 - 10:23 AM

Germany, March 1940. Schmidt von Freklez Airplane Park, about 7pm. Temperature - 24 C.

"Ah, Hans, it is good to have all the new planes appear. Looks like a damn fine airplane park now, eh? Couldn't stand all those old war planes that tended to fall apart when Georg touched them with his ducks."

"I hear they are going to be painting them in nice pretty colours this evening. Can't stand all this grey, grey, grey and black. Needs a touch of green, maybe some blue, red?"

"I don't know, perhaps we could even draw targets on them like the English do, eh?"*

The two guards laughed and smoked cigarettes paying no attention whatsoever at the wall they were supposed to be guarding, which was just as well since that is where Eliza and the Vigilante appeared. Complete in period dress. The Vigilante was not too pleased with the boots and trousers.

"They really used to wear these? Awful... awful people," he was saying until Eliza gave him a look, "... but it was the evil Nazi sewing factory and boot emporium that is to blame!"

"I think it's best you don't talk, I understand you are not an expert in German," she said adjusting her buns.

Sagan adjusted his little peak cap and proceeded to march off in the correct direction for stealing a plane.

*Of course they can't have silly accents written out because they're not actually speaking English and this is merely being translated for the benefit of the readers. And let's face it, Germans speak German properly. Most of them. Most of the time. Uhm...
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#13 Masked Dave

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Posted 10 July 2006 - 12:36 PM

"Yo, duuuuuuuudes."

"What was that?" asked Dale, on the precipice of the purple room.

"Some sort of alarm?" suggested John, taking a tentitive step forward.

The door slammed shut behind them and they took in their surroundings. This room was much more plush that the others, with thick, bouncy carpet beneath their feet, several large bean bags and even a lava lamp.

"Yo, up here guys."

The two policemen looked up. It shouldn't be possible for a round ball of glowing light to look stoned, but somehow, this one managed it.

"Man, this is gonna be awesome. I mean, you guys are like so totally screwed, and here I am, swooping on down to the rescue. I'm like your saviour man!"


"Oh what? Shit yeah, I didn't tell you yet. Even here a trial's gotta follow the rules man. I'm the guy they're putting in your corner."

"Oh God, please don't say-"

"I'm your defence, man."

"You said it." Dale fell heavily onto a bean bag, "John, we're screwed."
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#14 Carlisle Dave

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Posted 17 July 2006 - 01:24 PM

Despondency soon gave way to curiosity. Both Dale and Cliché did their best to ignore the annoying purple ball which was jibbering on about how it was going to get them off. Inset into the wall was a large, fluid like TV screen, showing a room bathed in a pale but warm brown light. It showed the back of a man standing facing a brown ball, which was illuminating him in white light by means of its spot.

"What's that?" asked Dale to the purple ball, pointing at the viewing screen.
"That? Oh that's the trial ahead of yours," replied the ball, before launching into a tirade about how the trial should never have come to court.
"Where's his defence att... ball?" asked Cliché
"Oh, I'm not allowed in the court room. We have to decide on your defence here. Then the prosecution will put its case together. Then you will be judged and finally you will be sentenced. That man's being sentenced."
"Any chance we can hear what's going on?" asked Dale
"Sure," replied the ball.

There was a click and the silence of the courtroom filled the room. Eventually the brown ball spoke.

"Emmanuel Frint - you have been charged with the temporal crime of dying approximately 500 years before you were born."

Dale and Cliché looked at each other. The view screen changed to show Frint's face, not a day older than it had been when he murdered the scientist.

"You have pleaded 'Not Guilty' to the charge, on the grounds that you were not responsible for your death. This has been accepted and you have been judged to be not guilty of this temporal crime. Therefore, this court sentences you to your fate,"
"No!" cried Frint in terror "I don't want to die like that!"
"This court sentences you to your fate," repeated the brown ball.
"There must be..." began Frint before being cut off.
"You cannot escape your fate. Proceed."

A door opened, darkness flooding through like gas, slowly filling the room.

The screen went dead. Cliché swallowed hard and turned his attention to what the purple ball was saying - if that's how they dealt with the innocent he hated to think what would happen if they were found guilty.

#15 Elihu


    Boat press liaison

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Posted 24 July 2006 - 08:00 PM

“It’s lucky you knew how to fly a plane,” said Eliza. The 8-ball tottered on the flight deck.

“Thank whoever installed Microsoft Office in me,” it said, “Excel still has a working flight simulator.”

“You’re flying very well,”

“I’m on autopilot,”

Eliza looked around the cabin, “I didn’t know these old planes had an autopilot.”

“Maybe not,” said the 8-ball, “but I do.”

Eliza thumbed the cabin radio.

“This is the cockpit! How’s it going back there?”

A disembodied voice crackled into life over the mic.

Bad monkey! Bad! Get away from the bomb doors!

Eliza sighed.

“How much longer until we can time jump?” she asked.

Put the parachutes down and get back to work!”

“Time jump? I’m still making my calculations. Eliza-” the 8-ball’s screen suddenly flashed into a little radar screen, replete with blips and dots. “I’m picking up two German fighters on our tail.”


“So we can’t jump with fighters on our tail.”

“But we can’t face them in this!” Eliza gestured at the plane, helplessly, “this isn’t a fighter!”

Damn you, monkey! Damn you to hell!”

“We can’t jump with them bearing down on us.”

#16 Innokenti


    I am an awesome horse.

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Posted 25 July 2006 - 08:57 AM

Eliza flew out of the cockpit door and confronted the scene of Sagan wrestling with the Vigilante. It was very hard to get to grips with because Sagan was so much smaller than the Vigilante but by cunning use of monkeybatics he could bring the man to heel.

"Hey!" she shouted, "now you two kids."

Both turned with a hurt look.

"Cut it out, yes? Kiss and make up," she said. Sagan spat in disgust at a pile of parachutes and quickly ran past Eliza into the cabin. "Didn't get along with the simian?"

"The bloody thing's a pest," the Vigilante commented and flew five feet sideways. It was at that moment that the fighters had opened fire and the eight-ball swerved to try avoid the largely unaccurate shooting. It whizzed past them. "The hell is that Doc?"

"German fighters?"

"Of course, this thing, if I remember correctly, ought to have one of those turrets at the back," he said looking around for some sort of door or hatch. Eliza glanced around the bomb-bay.

"Behind you."

"Right," he said and turning around opened the door, the turret, and a glimpse of the two fighters, could be seen. Eliza looked at him pointedly. The Vigilante looked pointedly back.

"I'm not about to get in and start firing a turret. I don't even know how!"

"Princess Leia did," the Vigilante said.

"Princess Who?"
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"" Jen (and KD) on my photoshop skills.
Look no further for Kentoshop™, KentiHugs™ and Abwebsobmeb!
"I don't know who he is either but whoever it is he looks craaaazy..." - Optimist about me. 

#17 Elihu


    Boat press liaison

  • Admin

Posted 25 July 2006 - 09:19 AM

Eliza aimed the cannon at one of the fighters and fired. Swearing at the recoil, she ducked her head back to look at the Vigilante, who was back in the cockpit.

"Poor shot, kid!" he cried, "be more cocky!"

Eliza bit her lip, turned back to the sky, and trained the cannon on the fighters. She took a deep breath.

"Eliza!" cried the Vigilante, "you've switched off your targeting computer! What's wrong?"

"I don't have a targeting computer, you insensitive jerk!" Eliza snapped. She wheeled round in her seat. "Do you want me to come up there?! Because I will come up there!"

"Shoot the planes!"


A hail of bullets punched light shafts through the cabin. The Vigilante gestured desperately at the sky behind Eliza.

"Shoot the goddamn planes!"

#18 Innokenti


    I am an awesome horse.

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Posted 25 July 2006 - 11:40 AM

"Sooner shoot the goddaaaaaamn Vigilante," she screamed as she let off a long burst of bullets which swivled her round and only sent a few bullets in the general direction of the fighter planes.

There was a sudden weightless feeling as the plane took a dive and a quick, lunch-churning (not that any of them would have lunch for a few years yet), rise back up accompanied by a crackled over the intercomm.

"What the..." the Vigilante said.

Yeeehaaaw the 8-ball cheered.

"I think he's trying to shake them off," the Vigilante commented to Eliza after climbing back into the bomb bay and when he had gotten back to his feet. She was now a little more in control of the turret. "Now shoot them down!"

She turned to give him a look. "Stop. Bloody. Saying things." One of the fighters was right on their tail and she aimed to shoot, the plane disappeared in a huge cloud of smoke and fire. There was another happy irish scream down the comms.

And for my next trick...

Eliza suddenly realised the enormity of an 8-ball enjoying flying and held on with legs and arms onto the turret. The Vigilante didn't. So when the plane went upside down into a loop, he ended up on the ceiling.

Ah bugger... I don't think these planes were ment for this the 8-ball said in a worried tone. Everybody screamed.
Proud of Russia because we have cheaper Paracetamol
"" Jen (and KD) on my photoshop skills.
Look no further for Kentoshop™, KentiHugs™ and Abwebsobmeb!
"I don't know who he is either but whoever it is he looks craaaazy..." - Optimist about me. 

#19 Carlisle Dave

Carlisle Dave

    Doctor at Law

  • Admin

Posted 02 August 2006 - 09:33 PM

The purple ball hovered down to where John and Dale were standing. It had finished its speil about their defence.

"Okay dudes," it said, appearing to give them a wink "So have you got your defence sorted?"
"I thought that was your job?" replied Dale quizzically.
"Oh I'm not allowed in the court - that would be against the rules" said the purple ball "I'm more of an advisor,"

Dale and John looked at each other.

"So how are you going to plead?" asked the purple ball.
"Not guilty," replied John firmly.
"On what grounds?"
"That it was not us that broke the law but ourselves from the future,"
"Ooh, that's a real doozy!" said the purple ball appearing to smile "Might work..."
"And then what?"
"Well you'll be sentenced to your fate,"
"But doesn't that make our crime also our punishment?" asked John.
"Ye..." began the purple ball "Err what?"
"Well if we're sentenced to our fate then we'll commit the crime all over again,"
"If that's your fate, then that's your fate. We can't be changing that,"

John and Dale paused for a second, though Dale was merely pausing to appear clever - he hadn't followed anything since John had said "Not Guilty"

"If we plead guilty?" asked John
"You'll be sentenced to death," said the purple ball before it began to fade "Good luck dudes!" it said before vanishing as a door appeared in the wall. A bright orange light flooded the room, like the next room was on fire. Cautiously Dale and John stepped through it.

#20 Elihu


    Boat press liaison

  • Admin

Posted 03 August 2006 - 09:20 AM

"How Do You Plead?"

The voice boomed at them from all sides, echoing off the walls, the ceiling, lost in the unbearable light. As the echoes died away, Dale thought he heard the words bend around themselves; change tense and meaning.

How did you plead?
How are you pleading?
How will you plead?
How? How?

Cliche stepped forward boldly. He raised his jaw to the light. Dale looked at his partner, then gently pushed him back.

"I'll do it,"

I've done it.

"How Do You Plead?" the voice intoned. Dale looked up.

"We don't know." he said.

#21 Josh


    Evil bird

  • Admin

Posted 03 August 2006 - 09:41 AM

We never knew

We can't ever know

We exist in spite of knowledge

"Objection!" cried a voice, old and tremulous, but still strong. "Ignorance may never be a defense, for knowledge is finite, but time is infinite; in enough time, all things may be known."

"Objection sustained, number 5," came a feminine voice, as green permiated the orange light. Tendirls of colour flowed around Dale and John; at first the green curdled, and the orange recoiled, but as they twisted around each other, they found no escape from each other. With the orange to his left, and the green to his right, Dale raised his hands, and saw brown light eddy between them.

"The jury is to disregard the defendant's plea," said the female voice of the green ball, and the brown chattered with a thousand tiny voices.
George Alagiaaaaaaargh: I lost my pecker in the siege :(

#22 Elihu


    Boat press liaison

  • Admin

Posted 03 August 2006 - 10:04 AM

"But this is ridiculous!" Dale felt hot tears streaming down his face. "I don't understand! We've always been on the right side of the law! We are-"

"You Are that You Are," boomed the voice impassively, "You Shall That You Probably Will,"

"I think you're making this up as you go along," said Dale.

"That Is Part Of What You Are Accused Of."

Have been accused


Guilty, guilty

"You Had Recourse To A Lawyer..."

"We know," said Cliche, "We met him. He was a jerk."

A drunken protest from the gallery.

"This is all too postmodern for me," said Dale.

#23 Innokenti


    I am an awesome horse.

  • Admin

Posted 03 August 2006 - 06:13 PM

There was a pause and suddenly the orange light flared all around them becoming the only colour. Dale took a few steps back.

"Yerroner!" the old voice began again, "I wish to call forward witnesses to support the accusation of the accused."

"Granted, call in the witnesses," a few green wisps proclaimed. A twirl of blue and white light, somehow intervowen between each other and mixed together, yet remaining distinguishable as two colour, appeared behind them and then ebbed.

If light and smoke could shuffle there would have been uncomfortable shuffling from behind them. John looked and was briefly mesmerised.

"They're not here your honour," a strict, level voice proclaimed.

They were not here!

They won't be here!

There was another uncomfortable pause and the orange light became faded. "Ah," the old voice said and then cleared it's throat. If there was a throat. Dale shuddered. "And where are they?"

"Commiting a crime?" someone ventured.


the echo thundered.


The Vigilante fell backwards and screamed. Eliza was also screaming. The last fighter plane, in flames, screamed past them. The eight-ball seemed to be screaming in delight.

"Let's go now dammit!" Eliza shouted stumbling out of the gun-cabin and twisting around trying to get her balance. She largely failed and went down on her knees. There was an unpleasant feeling. Every other time Eliza had travelled in time with the eight-ball and Sagan, and even the Vigilante, it had been mildly uncomfortable and made her feel nauseous. Travelling with a whole German WW2 bomber was decidedly less pleasant, the metal on the inside seemed to meld and shift under some inexplicable strain and light played merry hell all around her choosing the more clashing colours to go together. Then she felt weightlessness and sudden clarity of mind. There was the Vigilante, upside-down, Sagan leaping out of the cockpit and pointing towards the bomb-release lever... and the lever itself. She knew what it did and knew she would had to push it quickly.

She thought she heard swearing.

"Ooh it's a bleeding headache now? But I haven't got a head," the eight-ball said, "Ah feck it. Get on with it."

Eliza had fallen to the floor next to the lever. She pulled it. The bombs fell.

"Are you sure we're over London at the time they nearly started the Great Fire?" she screamed into the cockpit as the bombs whistled away.

"Ah shit."

There was a pause and the discomfort of time-travelling returned. When it was all over Eliza was very very angry.

"Are you damn sure now?" she screamed into the cockpit. The eight-ball was balanced on the pilot-seat and she thought it glowed a little.

"Oh sure. Blame me for all the wrongs. Yes... sure!" the eight-ball said. She turned to the Vigilante and Sagan, both hanging on the lever and nodded. The bombs fell again.

"Right," the eight-ball said with a sense of a job well done, "Where do you want me to take us n-"

There was blackness.

Eliza's eyes gradually cleared. A bright light, arising from where Eliza didn't know, forced her to close them again quickly. She lay on a cold, smooth floor. Her body ached all over. She had no idea where she was or how she'd got here. With some effort she sat up and opened her eyes. Blinking through the glare she soon made out the room and the body of the Vigilante and Sagan laying unconcious nearby.

The room consisted of white walls, the floor covered in black and white cheque tiles. As far as Eliza could make out there were no doors and certainly no windows. Looking up the ceiling was pure white, no sign of an entrance in it. There was, also, no sign of any light source.
Proud of Russia because we have cheaper Paracetamol
"" Jen (and KD) on my photoshop skills.
Look no further for Kentoshop™, KentiHugs™ and Abwebsobmeb!
"I don't know who he is either but whoever it is he looks craaaazy..." - Optimist about me. 

#24 Carlisle Dave

Carlisle Dave

    Doctor at Law

  • Admin

Posted 03 August 2006 - 06:19 PM

"Silence!" boomed the voice. "Bring out the first victim so they may testify!"

Dale and John looked at each other in bewilderment. A section of the wall evaporated off to one side and a figure glided in. It was shrouded in pale black smoke, which wrapped itself around the person to such a degree that it was very difficult to make out their features. The smoke, whilst black, was not totally opaque and so Dale and John, after adjusting their eyes were able to see the person within. Their face was missing, a blank and flat piece of skin in its place. A ragged hole was punctured in the side of the persons head.

"Susan!" cried Cliché in surprise. His heart began to race and his insides began to churn.
"Silence!" boomed the voice once again.
"But that's my wife!" shouted Cliché slamming his fist down, forgetting that they didn't have a table in front of them and succeeding only in hitting himself in the groin.
"Your wife's body maybe, but not your wife," said the orange ball flitting down from on high. "May I begin?"
"You may, number 5"

The orange ball shone brightly before all colour drained from it. Slowly and spreading outward with the ball at its centre the room too lost its colour. A roaring sound filled Cliché and Dales ears and they began to feel sick. Cliché watched as his the shrouded figure of his wife suddenly stood bolt upright. Her head snapped to one side and a faint blue bullet appeared, as did the side of her head. The bullet moved through the air slowly, away from the figure and towards Cliché. Against his will Cliché found his hand rising up and making a gun shape. The bullet passed slowly into his fingers, a clowd of explosion appearing suddenly and disappearing gradually.

Then it all stopped. The room, everything in it, the orange ball, they all regained their colour.

"If it pleases your honour," said the orange ball "I believe I have shown the guilt of John Cliché in the murder of his wife."
"It pleases me greatly," replied the voice.

#25 Innokenti


    I am an awesome horse.

  • Admin

Posted 03 August 2006 - 06:46 PM

"Objection! Thi-" Cliche exploded suddenly, but the green ball cut in.

"You may not raise objections!"


"Only the prosecution and defence balls may do that."

"But it's not here."


John's mouth moved up and down and then he let out a sob. Dale moved to put his hand on John's shoulder. "But it has nothing to do with the case... I... I didn't do it, my future did it and... I've done nothing and..." he sobbed.

"Do we have more victims prosecution?" the green ball asked.

"Yes yerroner," the orange light glowed brightly.

"Bring in the second victim."

The body of Cliche's wife had disappeared and the section of the wall evaporated again. Another figure was brought in and Dale just stared at it. Like the previous victim it had not face but Dale knew who it was and went cold. Except he knew that he didn't know who it was, except that somehow he did.

"Emmanuel Frint yerroner! May I begin?"

The orange colour flared and faded again and Dale moved.
Proud of Russia because we have cheaper Paracetamol
"" Jen (and KD) on my photoshop skills.
Look no further for Kentoshop™, KentiHugs™ and Abwebsobmeb!
"I don't know who he is either but whoever it is he looks craaaazy..." - Optimist about me.