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Day Seven: Soul Kitchen


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#1 The House

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Posted 13 August 2009 - 08:59 PM

A plot of carpet space was cleared and fertilised with muck from William Goatpunch's pockets, while Philharmonia Triangle's nutritious whole-grain snack bar was requisitioned and pillaged for oats. Hardly Dickens spent a happy afternoon hoeing and tilling the little patch, even transplanting a spring of parsley from the sandwich he had stowed in his back pocket, in the hope that it would develop into a usable green dye.

Many years passed.

---

The first winter was the hardest, as there was only books to eat. By the second winter, they had cultivated the Caterpie, and were embarking on a programme to breed it for meat. During the third year, traders from the kitchen arrived to trade for the crafts that had been cunningly fashioned from the resources at hand. In the winter that year, a hard frost led to the death of over a third of the Caterpie herd, but somehow, you survived to see spring. By this point, a complex system of irrigation and crop rotation had been developed, along with the ability to fertilise the patch with rendered weevil fat and lye. A mining operation was underway and it was hoped that you might strike an iron ore, like hematite or magnetite, in order to build weapons and armour for the platoon of crack soldier Caterpies that you were in the process of training. It was thus to everyone's dismay when, at some point in the spring of year five, you discover that the cupboard next to the door is full of fine dandy hats that you could have just used and been done with it.

"Well crap," said Huw Edwards, "now what are we going to do with these oats?"

"This all seems oddly familiar," said Heisenberg Cat, fingering the epochal spirit-link temporal redistributor object. Masked's agreement, however, was sadly not enough to sway the group.

---

You pass through the hat door to find yourself in the kitchen. This room is vast, with two rows of coarse wooden surfaces running down the middle of the dark, subterranean room. Dotted about you can see plenty of cooking implements - the usual, knives, woks, colanders - but nothing that suggests that the kitchen has been used recently.

There is but one exit - a narrow stair leading upwards - although you suspect that you could all pile into the dumbwaiter if needed.

There's a problem, though. And that problem is that the room appears to be infested with rabbits. There are hundreds of the buggers; clearly a breeding pair got into the room a while back and have multiplied ever since. They seem to cover every inch of the floor and most of the surfaces.

They have built a little civilisation, with houses build into the sideboards, a science lab near the cooker, a school in the chopping board area and a fitness centre / gymnasium by the sinks, one of which had been converted into a swimming pool. Slaughtering them seems heartless.

What do you do?
It was an evil house from the beginning - a house that was born bad.

#2 Hentzau

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Posted 13 August 2009 - 10:18 PM

Sigh.

#3 Jentastic!

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 06:36 AM

Work work work... sorry for inactivity. Will be back at an acceptable hour this evening and will be so active that it will HURT YOU. May try to post a solution through Josh in my lunch break again, but I'll see how it goes.
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#4 Schtroumpf

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 07:17 AM

More bad news, I'm afraid.  I had a very stressful day yesterday and by the time I got online in the evening I did not have the mental capacity to look for themes and work out numbers.  I'm having to go to the folks this weekend.  I'll try to get online at least once each day if I can but I'm not promising anything.  Sorry.

"The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."


#5 Masked Dave

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 07:57 AM

The only people who didn't post solutions yesterday are Strudel and Smurf.

Which means there's a good chance that one of them is the ghost (if we accept Smurf's excuse then it looks like Strudel would be the best suspect) and that they turned someone last night.

Which unfortunately means all bets are off with the scores, doesn't it?

Edit: Actually why did you put the radio on a 50/50 chance at the end of yesterday Scuzz? Especially considering Henty's reasoning revolved around the question of your humanity, which surely you knew? Did you know the humans would win if the radio was used and so try to stop it?
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but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#6 Masked Dave

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 08:08 AM

Far as I can see, leading on from Hentzau's reasoning yesterday, the scores are:

10 - 4 (to humans in best case)
7 - 4 (if incorrect exorcism on Kramer)
8 - 6 (if player was turned last night)
5 - 6 (if player was turned and incorrect exorcism)
8 - 6 (if Scuzz is a ghost)
6 - 6 (if Scuzz is a ghost and player was turned last night)
3 - 6 (if Scuzz is a ghost and player was turned last night and incorrect exorcism)
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#7 Strudel the Dancing Pastry

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 08:25 AM

View PostMasked Dave, on Aug 14 2009, 08:57 AM, said:

Which means there's a good chance that one of them is the ghost (if we accept Smurf's excuse then it looks like Strudel would be the best suspect) and that they turned someone last night.

So because I was even busier than Smurf I'm more likely to be a ghost? ¬__¬

I had to go to my dad's after work to pick up my car and I didn't get home till 10pm. I shall try and do something constructive today.
Spins and turns, angles and curves. The shape of dreams, half remembered. Slip the surly bonds of earth and touch the face of perfection - a perfect face, perfect lace.
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<@Strudel> How big's your dongle Kramer?
only about 2 inches :(

#8 Schtroumpf

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 08:48 AM

View PostMasked Dave, on Aug 14 2009, 09:08 AM, said:

Far as I can see, leading on from Hentzau's reasoning yesterday, the scores are:

10 - 4 (to humans in best case)
7 - 4 (if incorrect exorcism on Kramer)
8 - 6 (if player was turned last night)
5 - 6 (if player was turned and incorrect exorcism)
8 - 6 (if Scuzz is a ghost)
6 - 6 (if Scuzz is a ghost and player was turned last night)
3 - 6 (if Scuzz is a ghost and player was turned last night and incorrect exorcism)
The problem is I don't see any way of working out which one of those is most likely.  If we take your reasoning at face value then it's 4:3 in favour of the ghosts if we use the radio.

"The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."


#9 Schtroumpf

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 09:11 AM

View PostMasked Dave, on Aug 14 2009, 08:57 AM, said:

Edit: Actually why did you put the radio on a 50/50 chance at the end of yesterday Scuzz? Especially considering Henty's reasoning revolved around the question of your humanity, which surely you knew? Did you know the humans would win if the radio was used and so try to stop it?
Where did he do this?  I've gone back through the thread and the only people voting for anything to do with the radio is you and Hent.

"The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."


#10 Masked Dave

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 10:22 AM

Exactly, it would've won if he hadn't voted for my solution at the end of the day. (Which doesn't put it on a 50/50 chance actually, I was thinking it counted the same as any other solution, but it needs more than 50% of the votes, it had two thirds of the vote before Scuzz voted.)
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#11 Scuzz

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 10:24 AM

I don't entirely understand the rules. I thought the solutions and the radio were seperate topics. I assumed that the majority of players had to vote for a radio event to happen.
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#12 Schtroumpf

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 10:28 AM

Yeah, I don't follow your logic.  You could blame everyone else for not voting for the radio.  Singling out Scuzz is a bit harsh.

EDIT: Oh I get what you're saying, Dave.  But the radio votes and the solution votes are seperate.  People vote for the solution they want and if they want to use the radio or not.

EDIT2: Or perhaps not.  I've re-read the rules and they do seem to imply the radio has to be put forward as a solution.  Hrm....

"The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."


#13 Josh

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 10:43 AM

Okay okay.

The radio is treated in all respects like a normal solution. It needs a proposer (in this case, Hent) then it needs people to vote for it (in this case, only Masked). If we count Hent as having voted for it as well as having proposed it then it had two votes, but in that case we would also have to assume that Masked's proposal of his solution was also a vote: thus, paralysis. Either way, Masked's solution ended up with 1 more vote than the radio; without Scuzz's vote it would have been 50/50.

The radio needs 50% or more of all the votes cast on that day (henceforth, "quorum") in order to pass. No more than 2 ghosts may vote for the radio.

Some other scoring alternatives that you may or may not have considered:

There are not, nor ever have there been, any ghosts. Humans 11, ghosts 0.
Kramer was the only ghost but never turned nobody. Humans 14, ghosts 0.
Everybody in the game except you is a ghost. Humans 0, 2 or 4, ghosts 14, 12 or 10, depending on who you are.

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#14 Schtroumpf

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 10:51 AM

Ah right, thanks Josh.

"The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."


#15 Masked Dave

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 10:59 AM

Ah okay, I thought the radio was 'proposed' by default every day since it enters play.
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#16 Josh

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 11:01 AM

Nyet.

View PostThe House, on Aug 3 2009, 10:18 AM, said:

From the point forward, any player may suggest using the radio as a solution to the daily manifestation.

George Alagiaaaaaaargh: I lost my pecker in the siege :(

#17 Strudel the Dancing Pastry

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 12:45 PM

Methinks I spot a pattern...

View PostJentastic!, on Aug 13 2009, 07:39 AM, said:

All Hell(met) breaks loose

What an eccentric mansion this is! To think that the owner would have put suits of armour around the pantry walls. Aha! Well, I do believe I have a cunning wheeze. What if we were to remove the helmets from these suits of armour and place them upon our own delicate craniums? We'd not only have some rather dapper headgear, but we will be protecting from any blows to the head that the house's tricks may attempt to inflict! Really, I don't see how this plan can fail.

<

View PostJosh, on Aug 12 2009, 03:33 PM, said:

Jenny can't get online, so the following is on her behalf:

Eat your spinach

The answer is obvious, isn't it? In order to grow big and strong, people have to eat their vegetables. I hear that spinach is particularly good. Unfortunately, I don't have any of that. But I do have a nice bag of carrot sticks with enough for everybody. I'll pass them around equally and in no time we will be our normal sizes! Good nutrition is so important, you know. As for Heisenberg Cat, I think we should leave him as he is. Doors aren't a problem: he can crash through walls if need be. And now we have a fearsome opponent if we bump into any creatures that go bump in the night. Also, we can ride around on him and go "Wheeeeeeeee!"

View PostJentastic!, on Aug 11 2009, 08:06 PM, said:

Drinking Games

Has anybody else really taken a chance to examine this so-called 'waterfall'? Look closer! That's not water at all. See how it sparkles and radiates a certain warmth? This is the fountain of youth! Now I don't really want any myself, being already a youngster, but some of you are looking decidedly rough around the edges, and this house appears to be needing youth and vigour. I suggest you all drink up, so that we can inject some needed vitality into our party. This will of course enable us to come speedily to a solution to our predicament and the re-joining of our party. With the benefit of my own inexhaustible vitality, may I propose that once you have had your fill, we bottle the remaining water and keep it for sale on the black market?

As a back-up plan, I will consider the party, as that also appears to emanate from a brain of sufficiently juvenile proportions.

View PostJentastic!, on Aug 10 2009, 07:40 AM, said:

Garlic and Holy Water

Hmm, these pale new versions of ourselves are so pale. I believe I've only seen such pallid complexions in theatre shows such as Alexandra the Vampire Slayer and Moonlight. And look - fangs! These creatures aren't human! To be sure, they are vampires! Just look at the way one of the Philbert Julian Cadwallers is leering at Caterpie Trainer with a clear lust for blood!

There's only one way to deal with these vile specimens. It is brutal, but it is unavoidable. Paulo Ribenboim... I detect the stench of garlic on your breath. We shall put you in the front line and make you breathe all over everybody. Those who recoil the most are vampires! We must then throw some holy water on them. And I see we are in luck, for Dr James Nézbok appears to have some hanging around his neck. Possibly for all of the exorcisms that doctors are required to perform.

Let's fight these monsters!
In consideration of the fact that I just may be wrong, however, I will vote for Leafcutter's Mirror Writing, for it is also true that they appear to be back to front. It's not as much fun as fighting, but infinitely safer.

View PostJentastic!, on Aug 9 2009, 03:11 PM, said:

Compass of Truth

Well, during my travels as a child prodigy, I went to many places of great danger. I then considered it prudent to invest in this marvellous compass. On its face it has the words "Certain Doom". If we point it, we can see that Certain Doom surely lies to the west. Therefore, the compass tells us that we need to go north! Such wonders that can be achieved with technology, it makes me weep almost as much as Beethoven's Pathétique.

View PostJentastic!, on Aug 7 2009, 06:47 PM, said:

Make Sweet, Sweet Music

Well, clearly the only way to break through this gate is to make music of Wagnerian magnitude. We could create the necessary volume by excessive pounding of Caterpie Trainer's pokeballs, surely? Or perhaps even standing on the tail of Heisenberg Cat. Once the gate is open, a change in volume will be needed, and I suggests that we can strip off a couple of these thicker vines - see how hollow they are! Hollow! - and use them as calming flutes. The horses will be so mesmerised that not only would they not harm us, but I'm sure that they would be tamed into taking us up to the very door of the house.

So we've got weezing, eating, drinking, breathing. I'm not so sure for the earlier days, but maybe "Certain Doom" in quotes is passable as speach. I'm not sure what there is in Day One that could be linked to these other things.

Jen also voted for Leafcutter and Jim solutions.

View PostLeafcutter, on Aug 7 2009, 01:55 PM, said:

Tradesman's Entrance

There could be any number of horses in there, we could easily be outnumbered. If the original landscaping plans are anything to go by, there's a side road into the manor grounds a couple of hundred yards further along this road - I say we carry on, and make a quieter entrance.

View PostLeafcutter, on Aug 9 2009, 05:52 PM, said:

All Death Is Certain

Interesting, interesting, now this is more like it... must be one of the Musgrave rooms... all closed off now, of course... original architect either ended up in Bedlam, or was hired from it... panelled floor, probably a pressure sensor... wax cylinders, very dusty now, may not have given us entire message... Buddha and Kali clearly seen as rival theologies... Musgrave very literal minded... contrast of attitudes to destruction... acceptance and ascendance, or oblivion... all death is certain, yes, but not all is real... obvious that all of us will die in due course, however we leave this room... likely connected to further voice mechanisms behind the door... entered from the east, don't remember seeing a window to the north... would probably be corridors either way... dark, of course... moon in the east... manor would have been gaslit... designed to catch out intruders who would have own light source anyway... shouldn't get sidetracked... will definitely use this in the book... so, er... shall we draw straws and send someone through the north door?

(And I'll vote for the Compass of Truth, which seems to be in concordance with my findings.)

View PostLeafcutter, on Aug 9 2009, 10:30 PM, said:

Mirror Writing

Fascinating! Of course, I'd read the stories of the bizarre caricatures that Grusche painted... Lord Cadwaller's hunting party, the drunken duels... I never thought... right out of the frame... I had no idea... this certainly puts a... my word.

But wait - look at the two Mr Edwards, as they stand adjusting their ties! Their greying hair... it parts on opposite sides, as if... although I don't know which of them is the... but clearly these doppelgangers are our mirror images rather than our duplicates... whichever of us looked into the... perhaps if we had some sort of... yes!

See, my manuscript, here in my waistcoat pocket! The title, the preface... the text runs left to right! Everybody! Empty your pockets! All of you must have some scrap of paper... some piece of writing about your person, some note or calling card... some engraved fob watch or... um... cat's collar...

View PostLeafcutter, on Aug 12 2009, 10:52 AM, said:

Cattering Ram

Six inches tall... what nonsense... must be some trick of perspective... walls and floor angled towards the door... outsized props... this brocade is clearly stitched from dockyard rope... possibly baffled acoustics affecting our voices... either that or some sort of hidden recording device in the... surely these can't really be gold, at that scale...

I can't understand why our feline friend has... in such a short space of... perhaps this is some side-effect of our earlier... or perhaps this is just another cat that has similar markings... hard to be sure with the waterlogged fur... poor thing doubtless wishes to escape the water... perhaps the creature could be encouraged to smash the door down allowing us to escape and seek help... perhaps a rope from above... judging by the rot and mould... rest of the room... I'd imagine the hinges were long since... if not the doorframe itself...

QUOTE LEAFCUTTER: (too many quotes :( )


Oh, thank heavens... it doesn't seem too badly... a little creased, but I think the bulk of it is... just a few loose sheets... I say, perhaps we could fashion some manner of Paper Crowns... or those little boat-shaped ones, if anyone knows how to make them...


I have to do some work now. I leave it to you guys to plug the holes ¬_¬
Spins and turns, angles and curves. The shape of dreams, half remembered. Slip the surly bonds of earth and touch the face of perfection - a perfect face, perfect lace.
Jentastic: THAT'S RIGHT, I like double entry
<@Strudel> How big's your dongle Kramer?
only about 2 inches :(

#18 Hentzau

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 12:56 PM

Good spot! Now that you mention it, Jenny's solutions all seem to contain the words "the" and "a", as well as the letters p and f! How foolish I was not to notice this earlier!

#19 Strudel the Dancing Pastry

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 01:44 PM

It's just a shame I don't have your talent for only being able to connect two posts.
Spins and turns, angles and curves. The shape of dreams, half remembered. Slip the surly bonds of earth and touch the face of perfection - a perfect face, perfect lace.
Jentastic: THAT'S RIGHT, I like double entry
<@Strudel> How big's your dongle Kramer?
only about 2 inches :(

#20 Masked Dave

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 01:55 PM

Posted Image
"It's amazing how deep we had to drill to find our key difference,
but it seems that whilst I am Amazing you are Ultimate."- Lu

#21 Strudel the Dancing Pastry

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 02:31 PM

I'll take the pink one. It goes better with my shoes.
Spins and turns, angles and curves. The shape of dreams, half remembered. Slip the surly bonds of earth and touch the face of perfection - a perfect face, perfect lace.
Jentastic: THAT'S RIGHT, I like double entry
<@Strudel> How big's your dongle Kramer?
only about 2 inches :(

#22 Strudel the Dancing Pastry

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 03:27 PM

Back to the matter at hand...

Critical Density

I say we go back, and board up the door. We can live in there for a while longer yet, and if the rabbits keep breeding like this, I predict that in just 7 more years there will be so many of them in this confined space that their density will reach a critical point, and they will all implode creating a singularity. This would also hoover up all their droppings. The singularity will soon get bored of being stuck underground and use the dumb waiter to go top-side, and then we can stroll up the stairs at our leisure.

We could even take a few rabbits back with us and use them as food; just remembering to keep their numbers down.
Spins and turns, angles and curves. The shape of dreams, half remembered. Slip the surly bonds of earth and touch the face of perfection - a perfect face, perfect lace.
Jentastic: THAT'S RIGHT, I like double entry
<@Strudel> How big's your dongle Kramer?
only about 2 inches :(

#23 Leafcutter

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 03:32 PM

Honestly, all this suspicion... I mean, really... if you think I'm a ghost then I can just avoid... it's all quite simple...

Dumbwaiting

So a colony this size... peaceful at the moment... idyllic, even... could turn nasty if startled... long walk across to the stairway... a lot of things that could be knocked over... dumbwaiter looks a little cramped, but I'm sure... one at a time... can be operated from both ends... would need someone to stay back and operate regardless...

#24 Lu-Tze

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 05:41 PM

One step at a time

Well it's simple! We just introduce some foxes and the rabbit problem will be solved in no time at all!

"Why Benjamin" I hear you cry though... "What will we do about the foxes?"

But that's even simpler! A pack of dogs will have no problem dealing with the foxes.

And the dogs? Barely even a speedbump on the road to success! Simply crush up some of these flowers and lace the meat from the pantry with them and they'll fall asleep in no time. No permanent harm at all. Honest.

OOC: Leafcutter certainly seems to have broken the percieved pattern there. Unfortunately as i'm currently on holiday, merely posting a solution and having a quick scan over what seem like "safe" places to put my vote is almost all the time I have available to me. I will endeavour to come back on later tonight though for a second pass to see what kind of arguments are being made for the radio because that is far more important propostion.
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#25 Jentastic!

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 06:36 PM

Ignore them and it'll go away

There is only one thing to do with rabbits. They're desperate for attention - which is why they are fluffy - and dislike not being at the centre of it - which is why they propagate so freely, to increase the chances of their kin reaching the spotlight - so what we have to do is ignore them. They'll be so confounded and upset that they just won't know what to do will themselves and will spontaneously combust with displeasure. Excellent! We will have dead bunnies, and also intestines to use as weapons in the future.
Existentialism? Don't even get me Sartred.